


A new beginning

by Mariaa25



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: Eventual Romance, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2018-12-14 20:52:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 38,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11791257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mariaa25/pseuds/Mariaa25
Summary: This story starts in the end of the series finale. I'm trying to gently give Alec and Ellie the ending I think they deserve.What if Ellie had convinced him to go to the pub?Post season 3.





	1. Chapter 1

“I could do with a drink. Do you want one? We could go to the pub. We've never been to the pub.”

“No.”

“Oh”

Hardy stands up and looks at the sea.

“I should get back to Daisy.”

Ellie stands up too, walks towards Alec and touches his elbow to make him look at her “Come on. Don’t be such a wanker about it. Plus, you owe me” said Ellie with a joking tone

“I owe you?” he said forcing a bit of outrage into his voice.

“You’ve spent too much time away. It’s my compensation”

“All right, Miller”

Then they started to walk in silence to the closest pub. While they were walking there was a different atmosphere between them, a fresh air and almost like an electricity. Ellie distracted herself with a man talking aloud and her hand touched Alec’s like she was going to hold it even though she didn’t mean to. When she felt his cold hand she abruptly pulled it off, putting her tingling fingers into her pocket. She realized a second later that Alec was actually gently closing his hand to hold hers.

This thought made her blush, she wanted to start a conversation about anything trivial, but she couldn’t think of any subject because what had just happened kept coming back to her mind ‘he was about to hold my hand. What did it mean? That bloody idiot. I never know what he’s up to. Maybe he was trying to comfort me. He knows I’m still upset with the case’

Alec thought Miller was going to hold his hand. He felt surprised and yet immensely lucky (a thought he quickly shoved deep into his own mind). Hardy knew she was deeply emotional, so he gave handholding a shot.  But as always, he miss understood. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel unsafe with another man and yet it was exactly what he did. He always got it wrong.

Ellie realized she showed unavailability and Hardy already made things difficult enough so she took her hand out of her pocket. She looked at Hardy, he seemed uptight like there was something wrong. She wished it wasn't her. She just wanted to relax in company of her… friend?

Neither of them could figure out what to say next, so an uncomfortable silence kept hanging in the air until they've arrived at the pub.

Ellie said “I'll take our drinks. What do you want? Pick a table or something”

He nodded to confirm “I'll have the same as you”

She order to the bartender two beers. Ellie took a big sip of hers and started to look for Hardy. It wasn't hard, he chose the table where there were the smallest amount of people. She sat still a bit nervous but he soon started a conversation. Little by little the tension faded away and they were chatting like they always used to, comfortable with each other.

“How's Daisy?” she took another sip

“Ah, she's fine. She's getting through not being mad at me. She'll get over it soon”

“You both are gonna be fine. She's a good girl”

“But the photo...”

“Hardy," she said looking into his eyes "she's a teenager. She's becoming a woman. Her hormones are crazy. You should've seen me when I was her age...”

“Should I, now?” he interrupts her

“Figure of speech, you knob”

“I’m still worried though. I know it’s normal and everything is increased with technology, the scale and everything, but Imagine if she turns up like…”

“What? Like me? I’m perfectly all right, thank you” she said joking

A music started to play. Ellie _knew_ Hardy would be annoyed by it. She wondered how long it would take him to complain.

He forced a mild irritation in his voice “I was going to say, like one of those people who… Never mind”

“Come on, Hardy. You know you can talk to me”

He kept silent

“You’re really not telling me?” she insisted

He passed his fingers through his hair on the back of his head, slightly nervous. He opened his mouth, closed, giving up of speaking. She was gazing him. Then he opened again and hesitantly said “Like... someone who’s afraid of their sexuality because of one bad experience.”

It hit her.

It hit him.

She realized his bad experience was with Tess.

He realized her bad experience was with Joe. Damn it, he shouldn’t have said it.  He looked  everywhere but Miller’s face, he started to stare her hand. Anywhere but her face. He didn’t know what to say, to do or where to look. Alec took a sip from his beer. Joe hurt her. He didn’t need to bring that up. So she spoke:

“Don’t worry"  the tension on Alec’s shoulder decreased "I know Tess wasn’t easy for you”

He took a deep breath. Tess was a wee fish compared to Joe, he couldn’t believe she was concerned with what it caused to him, not to herself. This was… very Ellie.

Ellie. Right. He ought to give her an answer. What? ‘Don’t mind me?’ She would complain of this answer for sure.

“Don’t mind me”

She rolled her eyes“What?! Bloody no. You can be _so_ annoying sometimes and difficult. Why do I even mind talking to you?” She took a big sip of her beer, letting the bottle empty. “I’ll get another beer. Do you want one?”

“But the waiter is right over there…” Alec said pointing at the waiter who was two tables away

She stood up. Hardy stood up too and put a hand on her shoulder to make her sit.

“No, I’ll get the beers”

“But..”

“It’s fine. Stay here. Be right back”

While sitting Ellie was looking at the empty bottle and thought about why he had to be so bloody annoying like that. Why couldn’t he just answer like in any normal conversation? But he only did this to her. She didn’t know if she should be annoyed or somehow flattered. It doesn’t matter, she always chooses annoyed. That’s how their relationship works.

Hardy putting a beer in front of her took her away from her thoughts.

“So, how’s Tom doing after… you know” and takes a sip

She takes a sip too before answering “I dunno, Hardy. He’s… I dunno. I’m worried.” another sip

“It’s incredible how much damage a person can make.”

“Yeah, I…" she looked down to nothing "maybe Tom's too supple or… maybe he's like…”

He knew what she'd say. _Joe_. Maybe he's like Joe. He didn't let her finish “He's not. He's a good boy, Miller”

“I… I don't wanna talk about this…”

“It's okay. I'm sorry to bring it up”

“You didn’t let me finish. I don't wanna talk about this here.” She didn't wanted to cry in the pub. She doesn't like to be seen crying. Hardy was an exception, he's seen her in her true worst. At this point it just didn't matter. “We could go outside or talk about this another day.”

“Let's go home, yeah? I had enough of this bloody music” he tried to soften things, but he's not good at that.

There you go, she thought. He always complains about other people's choice of music.

They paid their bills each and headed to the door. Outside, while adjusting the purse to her shoulder, Ellie said “Goodbye then. See you t…”

“You think I'll let you walk by yourself to home? No way, Miller”

“You really don't have to”

“Oh, but I do” Alec was a hundred times more worried after what happened to Trish. He wouldn't forgive himself if something happened with Daisy or Miller

“Right. Let's go then” they started to walk in silence in a middle passe, both of them with hands on their pockets. Soon she spoke again. “You know… I don't want Tom to… I don't want him to be a man who doesn't respect women. That's what's more scary…" a tear rolled in her cheek "It could've… what if it was him? What if he'd made friendship with that awful Leo?”

Alec thought he could see her shaking, but he wasn't sure with the light. He took his hands out of his pockets. If she was looking for support he'd make sure he'd offer, even though she probably wouldn't take it.  “He wouldn't…”

“He's Joe's son, Hardy" more tears "I don't know what he's capable of. I hate this. I hate this so much.”

“Yes, he's Joe's son. But he's your son too. And I know you would never do anything to harm someone in any way like this, Ellie.” He used her first name to make the difference between them scream, after all she was still using the same surname he was (as far as he could tell).

Ellie was shook, but she noticed he used her first name. She opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it. It wasn't worth it. Besides, she realised what he did. Hardy was trying to be nice. Hardy was _managing_ to be nice.

She was still crying, but he pretended not to see.

They arrived, Ellie stopped at her door to say goodbye, but he said “You are needing a cuppa. I'll make you one.”

They went straight to the kitchen. While he putted the kettle on, she “Thank you”

“It's just tea”

“No. I mean… for the tea as well but for everything else. The walk, the conversation”

“You're welcome”

He took the kettle off the fire and made tea for two. They sat in the couch to drink it. Alec was in one end and Ellie in the other. They haven't realised until then how tired they were.

Ellie said “I don't want Tom to be like every other man. That's not enough for me. He needs to be better." she started to cry again "better than his father... Better than Leo... Better than Michael…”

He leaned a bit towards her, both knees on the couch, his elbow on the couch backrest, his left hand supporting his head, the right hand holding his tea, then he looked to his knees and said ashamed “Better than me?” from her hesitancy he thought he was the next on the list. A list that could go on and on. He felt really bad for women and an urge to apologize in behalf of every not so arsehole man.

“No!”  slapped him with anger in his right arm with her left hand. This spelt some tea in his shirt. Then she put herself in the same position Hardy had a few moments back

“Why did you do that for? It hurts” he said

“Don't you dare compare yourself to these men! Don't do that to yourself. Or to me! You're… You're… the man I… trust the most." she looked into his eyes "I think you're… the person I trust the most. From… from everybody” then looked to her cup of tea.

They were both sleepy and drunkish.

Hardy didn't know what to say, so he had a sip from his cuppa. And certainly he didn't expect that. Deep in his soul he felt relieved because Miller, Ellie, wasn't mad at him. After what he thought before about her name and Joe's he felt bad about carrying on calling her Miller.

Ellie dried a tear on her bone cheek, put the on the floor and layed her head on the couch backrest.

“I'd trust you with my life” he finally figured what to say.

Struggling not to close her eyes, Ellie gave him a smile. She knows how hard it is for him to say anything like this at all. She pretended she didn't, but she did. This was one of those rare occasions she chose not to push him. She didn't have the energy.

They fell asleep without noticing, sliding while sleeping and ended up somehow with Ellie's head on Alec’s shoulder and his head supported over hers. They were balanced, if one of them moved to other way the other one would fall.

Alec woke up first sometime in the middle of the night. His back was aching, but he decided not to move, she could wake up. So he closed his eyes again. When he was almost asleep again he thought Miller said something.

Ellie had a nightmare and mumbled some unintelligible words. The nightmare was about Joe coming back. After three years she almost didn't have them. Almost. She felt she was leaned over something too hot and hard to be a pillow. She opened her eyes, moved her head to see what it was, when she realised she was sleeping on Hardy's shoulder. How did _that_ happened _?_ They must've fell asleep while they were chatting.

When she moved her head Hardy got his head up “Hmm hi. You're awake.”

Ellie sat more distant, they weren't touching anymore. “You were awake already?” she blinked as if this would make her wake up

“Yeah" he straighten up "but you were sleeping heavily so I didn't want to wake ya”

“Oh. Erm… So, do you want some sheets or anything? I'm going upstairs.”

He ran his fingers through his hair in the back of his head “No, I'm going home. Erm, Daisy.”

Bloody wanker, she thought. It's so late. Why won't he just stay? “Isn’t it too late for you to go walking?”

“Nonsense. It's fine” he didn't want to disturb to her. She was asking him to stay because she's kind. When Miller realised she was leaned on him she distanced herself right away. He had made her uncomfortable when she realised he had been awake for a while. She was just being kind.

“My couch isn't so bad. You can stay.” Just take the offer, bloody hell

“Thanks, but I better go." he got up "I want to be there when Daisy wakes up.”

“Suit yourself, but you're almost sleep walking”

“I'll be fine, Miller” he started to walk towards the door

Ellie made a sound to show annoyance then got up too, went to the door and while unlocking it said “Right. See you tomorrow then”

Hardy stepped out, turned around to face Miller, opened his mouth to say something, but Ellie spoke first “Text me when you get there”

He forced outrage in his voice “I'm not a teenager” she was very kind indeed

“You're stubborn like one”

Hardy held a laugh, he wouldn't give her the pleasure

“Good night, Miller” he turned his back to her and started to walk home

“Good night, Hardy”

She locked the door and sighed closing her eyes. 'What had just happened?’ she opened them again. She headed upstairs. In the bedroom, she put her pyjamas. Laid on the bed on her left side, staring her phone on the bed table. After a while the phone vibrated.

H **: At home**

Ellie smiled to her phone, 'He actually sent it. How's that for a change?’, closed her eyes and almost instantaneously fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Hardy woke up a bit hazy, 20 minutes later than usual. Daisy had already left for school. When he saw the time he jumped out of the bed and went to the bathroom to take a quick shower then put on his usual, like he's only got one or two combination of clothes to wear. He didn't eat anything and walked to work.

Only when he was on his way he had time to think properly, he remembered to have dreamed something. It wasn't his usual but not-so-usual-anymore nightmare with Pippa. This was one of the first dreams he could even remembered he had, after that nightmare became unusual. This one made him feel warm inside. But once he tried to remember the whole thing it slipped away, the one memory he got left was Miller's smiling face. 'It could've been worse’.

He got to the station and everybody was working already. Miller was in her desk. When he walked past her he said “Mornin’”. Deep inside him, he was looking for that good feeling the dream had provoked on him, the good feeling _her smile_ had provoked him. She said with a surprised but pleased smile “Morning”. The warmth struck him again. She kept on, following him to his office: “What's up to you today? You're strange. Got here late. Wished me good morning.”

“Nothing. Nothing's up” he remembered the smile again and ran his fingers through his hair

“I'm gonna pretend there isn't. Ermm, so, about last night… thanks for listening to me and sorry if I…” 'Talked too much. Overreacted. Touched you.’ she completed in her head, but didn't finish the sentence out loud

“Don't be, I'm the one who has to apologize. I fell asleep first and…”

“I wasn't gonna say sorry for that," wasn't she? "you wanker. Actually, it was nobody's _fault_. We were tired”

“I thought you didn't like wh…”, 'when I touch you’ he meant to say

She interrupted  and changed the subject as if they could say something they'd regret later “Shut up. Let's have a cuppa, shall we?”

Hardy gave her an inquisitive look. It wasn’t like her to stop a conversation, but he was glad she did, besides Miller started to walk to the break room so he just followed her.

Hardy picked two cups in the cupboard while she put the kettle on.

He made himself four toasts, which she thought it was odd, he almost never eats, now you say as much as this. She put the teabags into the cups, then managed the water.  While she did so, Hardy picked up two plates and gave one to her with two toasts in it. She looked a bit shocked “Blimey! You made me toasts” she smiled while thinking ‘maybe he doing us both toasts become as natural as when he began to make us both tea’

The feeling of warmth came back “So you won't steal from me anymore.” he said with Scottish grumpiness

“You don't have to make up excuses when you do something nice, you know”

“Well… I do have a reputation to maintain”

She giggled “Fair enough” she had a sip of her tea, then bit one of her toasts.

Warmth struck him again. ‘Stop it’ he said to himself ‘this is getting ridiculous. Can’t she smile now? She smiles quite a lot’. He drank from his cup so he would disguise anything, really. A part of him, the most rational, wanted to ignore the feeling, the other part just wanted to not suppress it. It was a good feeling so why couldn’t he just feel? But it’s just a dream. It will soon go away.

They kept eating in silence.

Ellie looked at Hardy, he turned his face a bit and drank his tea. When he wasn't looking she flashed him a cherishing smile. Sometimes she couldn't tell what was their relationship: friends, colleges or something else. It was different from all the other ones she'd had. But then, he was the only one who didn't let her down. Yes, she did get crossed with him for not reaching to her after he left Broadchurch, but she didn't do it either. This uncertainty about if they were friends or not left her insecure to call or text.

Ellie bit her last toast. The toast Hardy made her. Would he make it to somebody else in the office? No… she guessed not. Also, she didn’t think someone could get away from stealing their boss' toast if he's only a boss. She imagined dirty Brian stealing Hardy's toast. It was so ridiculous to picture that she couldn't help to giggle.

“What are you laughing at?”

“Nothing” she said, pulling herself together

“Miller, people don't start to laugh out of the blue for no reason.” ‘Did I do something? Is she laughing at me?’

She looked at the door to make sure nobody was getting in

“I don't know why, but I pictured dirty Brian stealing your toast.” She giggled again

“What? Why?” He looked genuinely confused

“I don't know why, do I? But that's funny none of the less”

“I guess”

“Oh, come on, wouldn't you laugh?”

“Probably not. I don't know what I'd do. Actually, I don't think he would steal it either. Nobody here would” counting off her. She would. She did. It was fine.

“I did”

She's the only one who could get away with that. “Yeah, but… it's you.”

“What am I?”

“You’re… Miller”

“For God's sake Hardy, can't you properly talk? C’mon. Give it another go”

He ran his fingers through his hair. 'What was she?’. “You’re sort of a… friend?”

She gave him a wide smile.

The warmth flooded him, head to toes.

She wasn't expecting that, but answered anyway “I guess I am”. Her cheeks blushed. She thought he was going to say something dull or insensitive, but he said something nice. Wow.

Ellie occupied herself washing her plate and cup, then left to do the paperwork without saying anything else. 'Friend’, it kept echoing in her head.

She sat on her desk and closed her eyes for a while to focus. When she opened them again, picked up the files, her cheerfulness faded away while thinking of Trish. This case… this case was horrible. She still had chills to the thought of it.

‘Ok, you're a police officer. Separate yourself from this’. She opened the file and started to do what needed to be done. She stayed the whole morning just filling out forms. At lunch time she stepped in Hardy's office:

“Hey” she waited until he looked at her “I'm going to have lunch”

“Ok, one moment” he closed a folder in front of him and stood up

“Errm, I'm… I'm going to have lunch at home”

His face changed from casual to frightened

Seeing his reaction, she added quickly “But you can come if you like”

Damnit. That's why he didn't interacted with people. These last few days they didn't have time to breathe, so they ate quickly somewhere close. Now, with the case over, they could go home to have lunch. He just forgot that and assumed she was calling him to have a quick bite.

“Uh, I'm having Daisy for lunch. I just…”

“I know, don't bother. It's automatic. So, I'm off now.” she turned her back at him and started to walk.

That was… easier than he expected. As she reminded him earlier, Miller was no people.

Using Miller's cue, he also left for lunch.

He got in the car and in there called Daisy.

“Hello?”

“Hi dad"

“I’m leaving work now, so we can have lunch. Do you want me to stop by your school and give you a lift?”

“You're leaving _early_?”

“Yes, darlin’”

“Right. I want it. The lift”

“Fine. I'll be there in no time”

“Ok”

She hang up.

Alec started the car. He drove in medium speed and got to Daisy quick enough (it's Broadchurch). She was waiting for him in the pavement. He stopped, she opened the door and jumped inside.

“Hi, darlin’. How are you?”

“Hi, dad!” She gave him a hug “I'm fine. And you?”

He answered starting the car “Fine too”

“So, what are we eating?”

“We could eat some pasta at home. Is that ok for you?”

“Ok? Dad, I’m always in for pasta” She kept on “So, what happened at work you had time to leave earlier to have lunch?”

“Exactly the opposite, nothing happened. I have only paperwork to do, but I can finish it in the afternoon”

“Good. Is nice having you for lunch”

“I like coming. I want to do this as often as I can”

They kept talking until they got home. Within 20 minutes the food was ready. Daisy set the table, Alec cooked.

They sat, started to eat, Alec asked: “So, how's school? Are people still bugging you?”

“It’s erm… It's actually better.” She put her fork down to make a bun “I don't know what you said to those boys that day, but it helped”

“See. I told ya it wasn't the end of the world. We managed a way through this.”

“I guess… Look, when you tore up my ticket I was really mad at you. I did want to go to mum’s. But now maybe was better that you did. If I were there, by now, we would be shouting at each other on how the table was sat.”

“Yeah, probably” They ate for a little while in silence, then he spoke again, taking a deep breath first. He had to choose well his words “Daiz, dear. You know it's okay for you to send pictures like that. You don’t have to be ashamed or anything, I just don’t want you to be afraid of… of doing _things_ after this.” he ran his fingers through his hair

Daisy was a bit in shock. She knew her father wasn’t a tabu keeper or anything like that, but if this happened while she was with her mom… Oh, she would have to put up with so much shit.

“I just… I just felt like, like I had to tell you that, even if you already know. I want you to be happy and safe, that's all” he said, seeing the look in her face to calm her down

“Thanks” it was all she managed to say about that. After a brief pause Daisy said “Dad, can I ask you something?”

“‘Course”

“Where were you last night? You know I don't mind, right? So you can tell me”

“I wasn't…” he blushed. He knew very well what she was implying but he pretended he didn’t

“You weren't here when I got to bed, which you sometimes do, plus, the case is over, so you didn't have to stay in the office. And I heard some noises around 3 or 4 am”

“I was in a pub…”

She leaned forward  and said with a cheeky tone “With who? Was it with that other woman from Tinder?”

“No, no. For God’s sake no. It was only Miller” he thought Miller wouldn't like to be called only Miller

“Dad, you seriously have something with DS’.  First mum, th...”

He didn't let her finish “No! No, Daisy, no. No.” he widened his eyes

“Wow dad. How many 'no’s in one sentence.”

“She's my friend”

“So why you arrived so late yesterday?”

“She wouldn't take a cab so I walked her home.” He knew he didn't had to explain her why he walked her home. The whole town knew the reason. It wasn't safe enough.

“Still didn't explain it”

“You're very insistent in conversations. A bit like her”

“She's nice”

“Yeah, she’s fine” he hoped she'd let go from now. He wouldn't bite the bait

“So you were saying…”

‘Bloody hell, that’s what having two police officers as parents did to someone. She can’t let it go’ “We had a cuppa and I fell asleep on her couch. When I woke up I came home” while he was saying that he reminded what had happened that he omitted to his daughter. They falling asleep together, then waking up with her head supported on his shoulder, her warm cheek touching him. Surprisingly for him, he had his own head supported on hers. Even more surprisngly, he almost froze in that position even after awake.

He looked distracted with this answer, so Daisy was deciding if she believed him or not. At last, she chose to let it go.

“Oh, right” after a little pause considering if she would make him more questions she said “So, how is she?”

“She’s very wit and also kind”

Daisy couldn’t help laughing “I meant how she was doing, if she was ok or not” and laughed again “But it’s okay dad, that’ll do too. And it's not like she's a total stranger to me.”

They had already finished eating. Alec picked up their plates, put them on the sink and said:

“I wash you dry? It’ll be quick”

“Sure”

He filled up the sink while talking. He had a smile on his face. “I was remembering when you were a wee child and spent a whole month not wanting to have anything but pasta.”

“I remember that too! Sorta, anyway. What happened that I didn’t want to eat anything else? Wasn’t there something to do with fish?” she made her ‘ew face’ while speaking 'fish'. She still didn’t like fish.

“Yeah” he said laughing “we went in a holiday off to shore. You tried a fish we offered and said ‘That’s gross. I’m not gonna have that’ I bursted out laughing, but your mom was pissed off you shouted that in the restaurant. She was giving you a bollocking and you slipped under the table. Tess became even more pissed off and put you grounded. As a retaliation you said you’d only eat pasta for a month”

“That’s mum for you”

Hardy preferred not to say anything about that remark. He could compromise himself either way.

“So,” he said handing the last plate to her “I gotta be off now. Alec kissed his daughter in her forehead “I had a lovely lunch today. Thanks for your company, darlin’”

“Me too! I'm glad you managed to come. Good work!”

“Thanks. Bye!” he said, heading to the door.

He left happy. He walked to the station feeling good with himself. Finally he was working things out with Daisy.

Alec arrived the station and went directly to do the paperwork. He stopped by at Miller's desk, but she wasn't there yet. Part of the crew were, though.

Ellie arrived 5 minutes later than Hardy. It was a costume to stop by at the boss’ office to know of any demands, but Ellie made it more often than all the other ones. She always told herself and the others it was because she's a DS, so she needed to go there more.

“Hi” she entered in his office with a smile

“Hi” the warm feeling was there again

“So, anything new?”

He was distracted and answered without thinking much “Daisy is better about still living here. Things at her school are better”

“Great! I'm glad for you both. Finally settling in, right? I mean, for real” ‘Aren't you all talkative today, eh?’

“Yeah, I s'pose”

She nodded cheerfully

“Erm, is there any new demand for now?”

Hardy realised that when she got in, she was asking this same thing, he had answered something else.

He moved in his chair a bit uncomfortable.

“No, nothing arrived today.”

“Ok then. I'll finish the reports from Trish's case”

“Right”

She stepped out and went to her desk. Ellie started again on the forms, but now, she had to describe the evidences they had. That meant she would have to watch the video again and say everything what was going on it. Just to the thought of it she got sick. Those boys knocking her down gave her nausea. When Trish was laid down tied up she thought she'd throw up. She paused the video and went to the bathroom. Those pictures didn't get off her mind as hard as she tried.

She got in a cubicle and started to cry. 'How could a person do that to other?’ She didn't understand it at all. She was always doing her best to treat everyone with kindness and the due respect. Why would somebody violate a person's body to feel powerful? She was afraid for herself in this world, but also for all the other women out there.

Ellie spent 15 minutes in there, first crying, then trying to put herself together. She walked back to her desk, stared at the paper, took a deep breath and dispaused the video. She hadn't written anything, so she put it in the beginning. She managed to write the first two minutes, but between writing and seeing it, she went back to the bathroom twice. She also had to go back with the video because she kept closing her eyes.

Ellie couldn't handle anymore this torture. She went to make herself a cup of tea. Hardy passed near the break room and changed his route to talk to her.

“Having tea already?”

She nodded

Alec noticed her eyes were a wee swallowed and red.

“You were crying”

“What a brilliant detective you are”

“What happened?”

“I… I don't wanna talk about it”

Hardy was now worried. He wanted to do something to help. While they spoke, he was trying to figure out the reason she was crying.

Ellie only stopped drinking her tea to speak and swallow. She avoided to look at him. She didn't want to say something because she was supposed to handle it.

He stepped closer to her so he didn't have to say anything loudly.

“It's ok” he said

“No it's bloody not”

'Of course! I am so thick! She's upset with Trish's case. Miller's doing the evidence report’

“Miller, let's step in my office, shall we?

“No, it's fine.”

“You just said it wasn't”

“I mean, here. The place. It's fine” she knew if they went to the office she would say it all

Dirty Brian walked in to make some tea. When he saw Ellie's red eyes he walked towards her, put a hand on her shoulder, looked at Hardy as if he meant 'is he bugging you?’. She shrank a little on his touch.

Hardy wanted to be able to give this kind of support as well, but she was too stubborn.

Brian opened his mouth to say something, but Ellie gave him a slight nod and walked out of the room heading to Hardy's office. She didn't want pity. Hardy offered her understandment, not pity as dirty Brian did.

Alec followed her, closed the door and said gently:

“That's about the report, isn't it?”

“I…” she was figuring out what she would let him know, but she reminded of herself saying ‘There's no secrets between me and him’

“The thing is... I can't really watch it. It makes me… it makes me wanna throw up. It reminds me of those nightmares I had. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be talking to you about it”

“What? Why not?”

She started to talk quickly “Because you're my boss, and I was supposed to handle myself doing this”. - “Miller” he tried to interrupt her, but she kept on talking - “If I want to be a DI I should be able to handle it.” “Miller” he said a bit louder, but she still ignored - “What sort of cop am I that can't…”

He said almost shouting “Ellie!” he knew she would stop talking if he used her first name. 

“Don't Ellie me.” she raised her eyebrows

“That’s your name”

“Your name is Alec”

“You like your name. I don't like mine”

“How do you know I like mine?”

“Because you… For God's sake! Don't change the subject. You can ask me for help. As your superior I want my team healthy and functioning properly. I don't want an evidence to traumatize nobody. And you are the sort of cop who cares with people. That's how a cop should be.” This calmed her down a little. “I understand it's harder for you, as a woman. I'll do the report. I want you to know this, though. You're not less qualified than I am. You're not less competent. The only difference between us is that this video affects you directly. Imagine how I'd feel having to do the same with a video of a person drowning.” he shivered on the thought “That's your drownin’.”

Ellie took a deep breath. She almost hugged him. Almost. If any of her other friends were in his place she would've hugged them. She even got one of her arms up, it was half way through, so she touched his arm to not loose the movement. “Thank you” she said with a loose smile “Really”. She was embarrassed, though. She never let him touch her, then she was doing it to him? What the fuck, Ellie? To hide her embarrassment she quickly withdrew her hand, shoved it into her pocket and walked to her desk. If he followed her, good, if he didn't, good too, she just needed a moment to put herself together.

When Miller smiled he had that warm feeling again. What surprised him was she putting a hand on his arm to thank him. That he wouldn't expect in a thousand years. He thought she was going to give him a hug, but it was too much to expect. Expect? Did he?

Ellie was sat and plugging a pen drive to copy the little she had written on the video to give it to Hardy when he stood near her desk.

“I'm just copying here what I done so you can start from there.”

“You actually managed to do something?”

“Yeah… a little.”

'Wow she is brave’

Ellie handed Alec the pen drive. When he grabbed it, she hold it a little looking at him, said “Thanks” and let it go.

Alec was glad to do something to take this awful weight off the back of the kindest person he knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to make things happen as smoothly as I can. I believe they are very delicate characters who need space so a beautiful relationship grows.


	3. Chapter 3

_One week later_

 

Alec was in the porch of his house waiting for Miller to arrive so they could go and talk to a suspect of a car theft. He felt the phone vibrating in his pocket, he saw Miller’s name on the screen and picked it up.

“What?”

A boy's voice said “erm…H-hi. My mum s…” someone spoke to him on his side of the line, then he said to Hardy “Hang on”

Alec froze. ‘Could something have happened?’

“Tom, is your mum alright?”  he held his breath.

A noise was made in the speaker on Tom's side.

“Oh, hi” said Ellie - Hardy exhaled when he listened to Miller's voice - “Are you alright?” she said with a hint of preoccupation in her voice

“Yeah, I was just err… worried something happened”

“Sorry about that. My car broke. I was talking to the mechanic, so asked Tom to call you. Can you stop by?”

“Sure. I'll be right over.” he hang up, grabbed his keys and arrived at Miller's in no time.

He honked, but she didn't come, so he tried the doorbell.

A man, Ellie's father opened the door.

“Yes?”

“Is Miller in?”

“Miller? We have four Millers in this house. You'll have to be more specific than that”

“Ellie Miller”

“Are you her cab?”

“Erm, no. I'm her… boss. I'm giving her a lift”

“I thought she was going to call a cab for her too.” After a brief pause “So, you are the one making her work her arse out, eh?”

“It’s th…”

He was interrupted by a one shoed toddler grabbing his leg and shouting “Uncle Awec!”

Alec glanced at the adult with an air of excuse “Hello, wee Fred”

He heard a very familiar voice coming from inside “Fred? Fred, come and put your shoe on.” Miller appeared behind her father “Hi” she flashed Hardy a smile, turning to Fred “Go on, love. It's near the couch, next to your bag”. Fred obeyed his mother and ran inside to put his shoe on.

Miller's smile have been making him feel a warmth the whole week. He still remembered the dream. In fact, others, at least two, came along to join the first.

“Can we just wait their taxi to arrive? It'll only take a minute.”

“Alright”

David was scanning Hardy, judging his personality and trying to figure what was his relationship with his daughter.

“You should go easier on her” he nodded in Ellie’s direction “with the workload. She does have 2 children to raise and she’s barely at home.”

“I understand she does, I really do, but long shifts are part of the job”

“Dad, we’ve talked about this before.” She said with clear irritation on her voice “I chose this job…”

“Maybe your choice wasn’t the best fit, even because you’re a woman and…”

Ellie said furious “Are you implying I shouldn’t work in the force because I am a woman?”

Hardy could no longer hold himself. He didn’t let David answer her. It was almost like he was vomiting those words, once he started he couldn’t stop until he finished. His scottish accent was accentuated “Your daughter is the best cop I’ve worked with. She’s also the best detective I know. She has wit, kindness and passion for her work all in good measure. She loves those children deeply and she’d do anything for them. In fact, her work as a mother is astonishing because they’re amazing children and Fred is the sweetest five-year-old I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet and you know what, she’s been doing all this on her own for a good while now. Don’t put her self-esteem down just because you have retrograde ideias” when he finished speaking he was breathing quickly and staring at David with an intense look. Ellie knew his look meant he was outraged. She felt a wave of affection for him, but she was too astonished to say or do something. Her cheeks were crimson.

Almost like he had agreed with the cab driver, they heard a honk.

David’s jaw was on the floor. He didn’t know what to say or to do. He was angry with this man getting his nose into business which had nothing to do with him.

They only got out from the stupor when Tom said “Fred, c’mon, the cab is here” and holding his little brother’s hand stood by his mother and grandfather.

Tom said “What’s going on?”

“Nothing. Now, off you go to school or you’ll get late.” She kissed both boys on the top of their heads

David grabbed Tom’s free hand so he'd come quickly, walked towards the cab and shoved them in without saying a word.

Ellie and Alec watched the cab disappear. When it did, she turned to him and smacked Hardy’s arm. “I don’t need you to stand up for me”.

‘Why do I always get it wrong?’

She gave him a quick look in the eye and threw her arms over his shoulders but still leaving a distance between them. To an outsider it looked a little clumsy.

At first he didn’t react out of surprise, then a second later he gave in, showing his relief by pulling her closer into a proper hug.

Ellie had her head almost over his shoulder because she was on tiptoe. Alec had his chin supported on Miller's shoulder, one hand by her waist and the other on her upper back. They both had their eyes closed.

When Ellie pulled him into a hug she wasn't sure of how he would react, but was so glad he didn't retreat. She did this because it felt the only way she could show her gratitude. Gratitude for the words themselves and for the action of not listening quiet to her being insulated. If he had only said an “Oi!” plus/or anything else it would be good for her already, but his words, these words… she could tell that he meant it, but she didn't think she'd be on so high regards to him. She was afraid of being just someone he'd hang around so he wouldn't feel lonely. It was a relief to know she was wrong.

If Alec never expected Ellie stroking his arm, now you imagine a hug. He knew it was mostly his fault for pushing her away in early days when they’ve met, but then he… he changed his mind and he didn't know how to make her see it. He had tried to comfort her with a simple hand on the shoulder, but then she was the one who backed off. He got that as a 'I don't want you near me, I'm just tolerating you’ sign when Ellie retreated from his every move to compensate his lack of… everything in the first place. More recently, he stopped trying.  He didn't admit that, but he was afraid everyone, Daisy, Miller, Tess, they just put up with him, that they did what they did out of kindness, compassion or whatever else. When he said to her he wasn't good with human relationships he meant he never knew what other people wanted or expected from him. Now, he had a message so clear that even him couldn't miss understand. She wanted him close.

They were both uptight at first, took a deep breath, stayed a few seconds together, a little more than usual like they were compensating, then separated, stepping back. There was one foot between them. Ellie looked down and said “I'm sorry.”

“Don't say sorry. ” he closed the distance to touch her arm.

Ellie gave him a shy smile.

Removing his hand he said nodding towards the car “C’mon. Let's talk to that prick”

They got in the car in silence. Ellie was distracted with her own thoughts. That hug, it was gentle. She was afraid of being awkward, forced, but it was fine. It felt about time, if she was being honest, it just was getting ridiculous and it had to be her to make a move. He would never do something that himself could see as invading her privacy or space. She sees that now, he acts with care. In his own stupid way he was very caring and sensitive. Though, they were almost arriving so she had to concentrate in the suspect now.

“So, what we’ve got on him it’s that he has no alibi for any of the thefts.”

Hardy wasn’t expecting her to speak “Um? Errm, yeah. He also rented a garage in his name but he has no car, so we need to check that too”

“Oh, that too”

They parked in front of a simple house. Hardy knocked on the door. An old lady opened the door.

“Yes?”

“Are you John Evans’ mother?” Alec asked

“Yes…” she said hesitant

Ellie said “Is your son in? I’m detective Ellie Miller, this is detective Alec Hardy.” they showed their badges. “We have a few questions for him”

Mrs. Evans shouted while looking indoors “John?! The police wants to talk to you!” she turned to the police officers “What did he do?”

Alec answered her “We are currently investigating a series of car thefts with which your son might be connected to”

“Good Lord. I have always tried to…”

A door slammed loudly

Ellie turned to Hardy “I’ll check on that” she went to see the back of the house. When she got there John Evans was running towards an intersection of streets. He turned left and Ellie ran after him. She called Hardy while she ran “He’s trying to escape. Back door. Straight, turn left then right” she said turning now right and putting her phone in the coat pocket.

“Copy”

Somebody crossed John Evans’ path, who looked behind him and saw the policewoman close from him. She would catch him if he kept running, so he thought his best choice was to fight her, besides as far as he could tell she was alone. He stopped, turning to face her.

Ellie knew it already. He’ll try to attack her to run away. John raised his fist, as if he was trying to decide what to do. She didn't wait. He received a punch in the stomach. He bent his body forward. Ellie forced him down, she had one knee on his back, a hand  holding his arms in his back. John wasn't reacting because he was still in pain. Her other hand was looking for her handcuffs. Damnit! They weren't with her.

She called Hardy, who picked up on the first ring

“Bloody hell, where are you?”

She heard a puffy breathe then some noises on the speaker. Her blood turned cold. Would his peacemaker fail?

“Hardy? Hardy?” John Evans moved a little under her and she put all her weight on him and he stopped moving “Hardy! Answer me, you fuckwit.” still no answer. She now had a hint of despair in her voice “C’mon! Don't die on me, Alec”

There was a noise on his side of the call, then “Did you just call me Alec?”

Ellie had already started to debate on her mind what should she do. If he hadn't answered she would have let the man go to go after Hardy. When she heard his voice a wave of relief went through her body. It was perceptible to the man she was immobilizing.

“What the hell, Hardy?!” he hung up.

John Evans saw a tall man running in their direction so just gave up to try anything.

Miller saw him too. 'Focus. First deal with the guy here, then yell at Hardy. He's fine, Ellie. He's fine’

Alec stopped next to them. Ellie said “Handcuffs”

“You…” he was going to bollock her on not having handcuffs with her, but her look meant 'don’t’ she was pissed at him too. He let go for now.

With the man handcuffed and in the car they arrived at the station. They got out of the car, escorting Evans. Inside a police officer took him to the interrogation room.

“We'll be right there.” Hardy said closing his office door.

As soon as he did so he started to talk with his voice volume a little raised “What on Earth were you doing without handcuffs, Miller?! You know how  these things work, for God’s sake! You of all people, just going without it?”

The ‘you of all people’ part hurt her a bit

“I forgot them in you car” she answered with lack of patience already

“This was so irresponsible of you! You could’ve jeopardised the entire thing! “

“But I didn’t, did I? I caught him! I caught him while you were doing God knows what that took you so long and gave me” now she was shouting “a hell of a fright. And were you enjoying yourself, uh?” she imitated him “‘Did you just call me Alec?’ I _did_ , Alec. I did. And I thought something happened to you. You talk about jeopardising? You almost made me let the guy go so I could look for you. I thought something could’ve happened with your bloody peacemaker since you don’t take care of yourself.” she took a deep breath “Just.... Tell me. What the fuck happened?”

He was ready to have another go at her, but her concern touched him. He could tell she got dead worried with him, he just knew.

“I picked up your call while running. I dropped my phone and I was looking for it. When I found it and picked it up I just heard ‘me, Alec’. That’s why I asked. But then I started to run again and saw you both, so I turned off”

“Oh. Well, you gave me a hell of a fright”

“Sorry” he ran his fingers through his hair “You know my peacemaker doesn’t just stop like that.”

“You don’t take care of yourself. How can I be sure?” she crossed her arms

“I’m telling you”

“Right”

Hardy looked down, then to her “That guy… You gave him a hell of a knocked down, didn’t ya?” he said to relief the mood “He’s big”

“He suddenly turned around, raised his fist at me and just stood there. How thick a person can be to think a police officer won’t do anything? So I just knocked him down until you arrived with the handcuffs.” the bloody handcuffs again. ‘Please let it pass’

“Well done!” ‘Well done? What the fuck,  Alec?’

‘What? Is he sick? Well done?’ “You’re getting better and better on the supportive boss thing. Are you taking lessons?”- He made an offended face. - she giggled “C’mon. Let’s get this over with”

He nodded, holding a smile, which Ellie could notice anyway, and they headed to the interrogatory room.

They were efficient, getting a full confession. In the end both got out of the room pleased with themselves exchanging quick smiles when closing the door.

Hardy took a deep breath and was heading to his office when she spoke

“I'm going to ask you for a favour and you’ll say yes, ok?”

“Wh…”

“I need a lift to pick the kids up. My dad's going out for lunch with some friends of his and I told him that even with my car broken I'd pick them up. You're going to Tom's school for Daisy anyway and Fred's is near so it's not really out of route. Plus, I've spent two years driving you around like a bloody cab.”

Was she relying on him?

“Alright. I don't seem to have much of a choice, do I?” Like this it would pass the impression that he's only doing it for “obligation”. “I mean, it's not a problem”

“Great. I'll be in my desk” she smiled at him

The bloody warmth her smile brought didn't stop coming, but he liked it. When Miller turned on her back and started to walk he caught himself looking at her curly hair swinging tied up in a ponytail.

When it was time to pick the children up Hardy stopped by at her desk, she was talking to a female officer whom he couldn't remind the name. Their colleague was standing up and Miller was sat.

“Ready to go?”

“Yeah, one sec. I'll catch up with you.”

She started to turn off her computer.

“Ok” he walked to the car to wait for her.

“I don't understand you, Ellie” she said when he was gone “Do you actually enjoy spending time with him?”

“I do. He’s a good person”

“You're the only one he's decent with”

“Perhaps you should try harder”

“No, thanks. I mean, no offense”

“Yeah” she didn't know what to say “I gotta go. Bye”

“Bye”

She put her bag in her shoulder and left.

“Hey” she said opening the car's passenger door.

“Hi. So, Fred first?”

“I guess. He's out a bit earlier. Do you know where it is?”

“Aye”

“Oh” she looked at the window and smiled to nothing “I was thinking about John Evans while doing the report. He's the thickest car thief I've ever dealt with.”

“I know!” he said laughing “He even tried to elaborate, but he didn't manage”

“He had the garage _on his name_ to change the license plate!”

“Miller, he ran and, as if it wasn't enough, he thought he could strike you down. No way he'll get away.”

“Let's hope he's thick enough not to sue me”

“If he does you're fine. There's CCTV there”

“Really? How do you know?”

“I've checked”

“Thank you” she smiled

Hardy stopped the car, Ellie got down and in 5 minutes she was back with Fred.

“We're taking a lift with uncle Alec today. Mummy's car is broken” Ellie said opening the back door for him.

Miller closed the door and went to her seat.

“Uncle Awec?!”

Hardy felt two little hands on him.

Fred was trying to hug him, but the car bench was between them.

“Hello, wee lad.” he turned to look at the toddler

“I forgot to put his seatbelt on. Hang on. Can I…?” She said so she could reach Fred.

“No need. I'll do it.” Talking to Fred now “Please sit over here” he tapped the middle seat.

Fred obeyed with joy the instructions.

Ellie couldn't help smiling

Alec put the seatbelt in place and it clicked. He turned back and started the car.

“How was it at school, Fred?” His mother asked

“We made a drawing, but Wiwiam annoyed me”

“Really?” She turned to him “What did he say?”

“He was repeating his parents said my dad was disgusting. What is it, mum, disgusting?”

Ellie's heart broke. She took a deep breath.

When Alec looked at Miller he could see the pain in her entire face. He hated that. One of his hands were still holding the steering wheel, but the other he put at Ellie’s shoulder rubbing a little with his thumb.

Ellie felt his hand on her shoulder. Her reflex would’ve been to retract, but she didn’t. It was nice to be comforted.

“That means your father made a very bad thing. I've told you about this before, do you remember?”

“Yes”

“He did a bad thing, but that doesn't mean anything about you, cos you're a very sweet boy, no matter what people say about your dad. Ok, darling?”

“Ok”

“I love you. Even more than chocolate”

She tickled his belly and he giggled. Then she sat straight and stared out the window. Alec looked at her to see how she was doing. She was strong as ever. It hurt on him how this family didn't deserve this.

They arrived and stopped in front of Daisy's and Tom's school. Alec saw the two of them. The teenagers were next to each other.

“Daisy! Tom!”

They got in the car.

“Hi Dad!” She said putting a hand on his shoulder from her seat.

“Hello darlin’.”

“Hi mum”

“Hi love. How are you?”

“Ok” Tom answered without much enthusiasm

Tom and Daisy said almost at the same time

“Hey, Hardy

“Hello, Ellie” Daisy now said to Fred “Hiya”

Daisy called her Ellie, still her father called her Miller. But she was insisting on that, wasn't she? It seemed a little foolish now.

“Hello, Tom” Alec greeted him

“Hi, Daisy! How are things, dear? Your dad mentioned they got better.”

“Yeah, they’re ok… Are we eating together?”

“I was actually taking them home.”

“We erm, I was going to tell you that. We're not going home. I was going to ask you to drop us in that place near my house”

'Of course not. She'll do everything to not cook’

Daisy said with a final tone “So it's settled then. We'll eat together.”

“I… I really don't want to intrude on your lunch, or anything”

“I don't mind.” But he did mind if she was there or not. Her presence does make a difference. 'Stop talking like you don't care because you do’. “I mean, we're inviting you”

“Oh! Ok. So where to then?”

“Italian? I’d love to have some pasta” Daisy proposed

“It works for me” Ellie answered

“But… Pasta? Again darlin’? It's not very healthy either”

Ellie made a grimace making fun of him. He pretended he didn't see.

“Don’t worry, I know a place you can ask for your salad too. Oh, actually I've been there with you” Ellie replied

“Great! Yeah, that’s it.” Daisy said amused “Dad, you should relax with that, you know. It's not gonna kill ya to eat pasta once again”

“It might”

They drove the quick route making fun of Alec and he defending himself making a point on how they should have healthier eating habits. Even Tom made a comment.

In the restaurant they got a rectangular table. Tom was in one end, then Ellie, then Fred, both alongside, then Alec on the other end and finally Daisy, sitting in front of Fred.

The waiter brought them the menu. The four of them picked the main pasta course the restaurant had to offer. Hardy however chose the chopped italian salad, it was big enough for main course. The food arrived quick enough and they were all eating.

Alec didn’t really know what to say. When he was alone with Miller things were easy. They could handle well having a subject or just being in silence, but he couldn’t see what would interest all five, or four, of them. There was actually a simple way out of this: ask the children questions. He was in a table sitting with, probably, the people he cared the most for. Of course, they weren't the only ones,  but it was different. He cared about other people because of his human side. He cared about those who made him company because of his very personal side. Daisy was his priority in, well, everything. After her, there was Ellie, although his admission of it was quite recent. And caring about Ellie meant caring about her children, who actually deserved to be on his ‘list’ on their own account.

Daisy called “Dad! Are you even listening?”

Alec realised he was staring his food with the corner of his mouth twitched, which both Daisy and Miller knew to be the equivalent of a smile. He hoped they hadn’t seen it. If they did, they didn’t say a word about it. As he didn’t answer whatever it was the question, he made a new one.

“So Tom,” - Tom looked at him, surprised to be the target of Hardy’s attention - “your mum told me you were scaled to the city’s football team. Have you started yet?”

Ellie was surprised Hardy even remembered that. When she was talking about it he looked like he wasn’t listening at all. She was glad he had paid attention and cared enough to make conversation about it.  She looked at Hardy with affection.

“Yes!” Tom answered very excited “I’ve been in two trainings now. Today’s my third!”

“Nice! What do you think of it?”

“It’s great. We train a lot more than what I was used to in the school’s, but is totally worth it.” he paused “Do you like football?”

“Sorta. I'm an awful player, but sometimes I used to watch matches with my mates. I know the rules and all, but I'm not a big fan.”

“Oh”

Hardy thought his disappointed reaction looked a lot like his mother's. He couldn’t let the boy down just like that.

“I mean, I don't follow or anything, but when I'm watching a match I enjoy it”

Ellie was staring at them astonished, but also happy. She didn’t expect Tom to make conversation or Hardy to make an effort to keep it going.

Alec continued “What’s your position?”

“It’s not settled yet, but is likely I’ll get to be the defensive midfielder”

“Very nice. It’s a position with a lot of action”

“Yeah! I like it.”

Alec’s phone started to vibrate. “Excuse me. I have to get this” he stood up and went to an isolated area.

Ellie was cleaning Fred, he had sauce all over his face. She frowned at Hardy’s movements.

Daisy and Tom started to talk about videogames, but she didn’t pay attention. She was watching Hardy to see if there was anything wrong. Three seconds and she knew there was. His posture, the way he was passing, all elements told her that. Ellie was a bit impressed and embarrassed of how well she knew him to make these assumptions so quickly and on mark. Then he started to bollock someone, he was gesticulating looking down. With resignation he turned off, put the cellphone back on his pocket and rubbed his face with both hands. She stopped looking and turned back to Fred.

After the call Alec looked at Ellie. She was smiling at Fred, while he seemed to be telling her a story. Although he wasn't close enough to see the details he knew and ‘saw’ her eyes wrinkled as she smiled and the love in her eyes when she looked to her sons. And he would be the one to take this happy look off her face. Again.

He took a deep breath. He had no guilt whatsoever, but he felt bad anyway.

Ellie… who didn’t seem to be able to live without something bad happening in her life. He would have to tell her, but not in front of the kids. It was up to her, anyway. He took another deep breath and went back to the table trying to pretend  everything was OK. But it wasn't and he was very distracted. He wanted to protect her from this, he didn't want her to suffer more. But he also couldn't lie or hide, they had this silent agreement to tell the truth.

Ellie was very worried with Hardy. Something obviously had happened, but the wanker would probably keep it to himself. After the meal she would try to get something out of him. To make things a little lighter, even though she knew it wouldn't really work, she tried to think of something to say to him. It was the only thing to do. She wouldn't try to extract possibly painful informations from him front of his daughter.

“Hardy, have you heard? Jocelyn is back in town.”

It took a while for him to assimilate what she said. He blinked trying to focus on the topic she had brought up.

“Uh, really?”

“Yeah” They were finishing to eat by now. Ellie called the waiter to ask for the check. “I ran into Maggie in the supermarket. She also… she invited both of us to dinner at their place.”

“I don't know… You know I'm not into dinner parties”

“I told her you’d say that, so she said you really have no choice. And that Jocelyn is asking herself for your presence. There's no point in arguing, you're going.”

“When is it?”

Ellie thought this was too easy “They'll set up the dates yet. Maggie said she'll let me know, then I'll let you know”

The waiter brought the check, the adults paid and they directed themselves to outside of the restaurant. Ellie was holding Fred's hand and she was ready to pull Hardy aside so she could talk to him, but he said

“Where are you going?  My car is parked over there”

“We were going to walk. Our house is close from here.”

“C’mon, you don't  have to. The bags are still in my car, I can drop you off”

“Alright”

“Dad, can I go to Chloe’s? I was going to stop by at home but we're going so close to her I gave up”

“Yeah. Sure”

They all got in the car and Alec drove to Miller's. When they arrived they all got out of the car, Alec picked up the bags in the trunk. Ellie opened the door, Tom ran inside to get changed so he could go training. Fred went to watch TV.

Daisy put her bag in her shoulders and gave her dad a kiss on his cheek “Bye dad. See you later” then she waved at Ellie “Bye, Ellie”

“See ya, darling.”

“Bye” Ellie turned to Hardy “Wanna have a cuppa?”

“Sure”

She could notice he was tense.

They got in, Hardy went straight to the kitchen. He was passing around the room while the kettle was on. Ellie checked on Fred and followed her friend.

“Mum, I’m leaving” Tom shouted

“Ok! Have a good training!”

The boy slammed the door.

Alec made their tea and gave her a cup. They say down.

He looked at her in the eye with sorrow. Ellie was bothered, she moved in her chair. Hardy pulled his chair a little closer to her and said “I need to tell you something”

Ellie took a deep breath. She knew there was something wrong.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me so long do post it, but here we are.

Ellie took a deep breath. She knew there was something wrong.

“But first” Alec said leaning forward “I want you to know that I’m here for you. You won’t be alone and you can count on me.”

She was getting more nervous to his every word. She gave him a weak smile “Thanks” she took a breath “Now please tell me what happened”

“Do you remember that I kept myself informed about Lee Ashworth’s whereabouts? A person is doing the same thing for me with Joe” - Ellie’s eyes widened. Not Joe. No. No, no, no, no. - “Craig lost track of him. He doesn’t know where Joe is.”

Ellie was in shock. She would have to deal with him again. Like divorce wasn’t bad enough. Like all of this shite wasn’t enough. No. He had to come back for more. He had to try to force himself into their lives again. All those feelings she was trying to ignore, overcome and move on from, they were coming back in a flood. She began to hyperventilate. He can’t come near the kids. She leaned her body forward in her chair.

Alec put himself on her side, kneeled. He hated to go through this again with her, it broke his heart in a million pieces.

He moved his hand to her back. “Ellie, you're having a panic attack. You can overcome this, ok? Breathe. Take a deep breath.” he put a hand on her shoulder to make her straighten her body and said softly “Hey, you need to straighten up”

She just let his hand gently push her body. Her head was fuzzy. Tears were rolling down her face.

“Nothing will happen to the boys. Let’s try again. Breathe in… and out.”

Still felt like choking.

“I'm here for you.” he held her hand and she squeezed back “this is gonna pass, just breathe really slowly.” she did “Again. In… and out. C’mon. There you go. You're doing great.”

Ellie’s breath was back to normal, but she started to cry more. He pulled a chair and hugged her, she let him and supported her forehead on his shoulder. They spent some time like this, without saying a word. Later, Ellie broke the silence.

She sat straight on her chair again, wiping out the tears “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“What?” he didn’t follow at first

“That you were watching Joe. How long have you even… I mean, why?”

“I didn’t tell you because it would only get you worried.”

“I’m worried every day. It’s not easy when your ex-husband is a murder and is free. I worry for my children every single day. I try not be a maniac about it, I was managing not to.”

“Of course. I’m sorry.” he paused “And why? Because I owe it to you and to the Latimers. It’s my fault he’s free, so I should do this so you wouldn’t be caught by surprise with him on your door or anything. I…I’m sorry. I thought you were going to suffer anyway, so best if you had less things to worry about. I didn’t…”

“I’m not mad at you.” she did understood what he did and it was typical him, carrying all the weight alone. She had time enough to think and decide that she wasn’t going to be mad at him “And it’s not your fault, is mine. I beat him up. I gave Lucy the fucking money. This is all on me.”

“No. It’s not, really. It’s his fault. He’s the one who killed a child. The rest of it is horseshit and you know it.” he was aware he was contradicting himself. Related to the investigations it was his fault, he was in charge. Ellie did nothing but to love, then care, then react when it was all took away, torn apart from her and others. But he knew deep inside him that his mistakes were little, this was all on Joe. And Ellie somehow made emerge those deep things on him.

Ellie had her elbows supported on her legs, she rubbed her face with both hands. “Look. I always think about ‘What if he comes back?’ because when we got divorced he didn’t lose his rights to see his sons” it hurt on her saying ‘his sons’ “He didn’t really fight for it but he didn’t give up either.” she made a brief pause. She was remembering her plan “Can I… can I not show up at the station this afternoon?”

“Of course. How do you even ask that?”

She ignored his question “I need to pick Tom up.” she knew she didn’t have to explain to him that she assumed Joe was coming back “I’m sorry, I’m gonna ask you for another favour. Can you give us a lift? I can’t let Tom come back on his own.” she started to speak quickly “Or borrow me your car. It’s not safe and…”

“Sure. Anything you need”

She was really agitated “Ok. That’s only it, then you can go”

“What? No! Haven’t you heard me? I said you can count on me”

“I am! You’re giving us a lift already”

“I’ll help with more than that! I meant it, Ellie.” -she realised now that he was using her first name. He had used several times now. It was too late to correct him, but she would only do that out on reflex or costume like she had done some times now. She didn’t mind anymore- “I would put a car to watch you, but we have no legal, formal justifications to do that. If you want I could stay here to help you until we have more informations on the situation. Your children would be safer with two police officers nearby.”

Ellie was astonished, but very grateful. The look in her eye expressed that and he understood. She was right, we are not all alone after all.

“I… I.... yes. Thank you.” she blinked “Tom. We need to collect Tom.”

Alec stood up grabbing his car keys.

Ellie went to the lounge to get Fred. He wouldn't leave her side now.

“Hey sweetie.” she stayed in his hight. Fred was watching telly “We're gonna pick your brother up in his training. We'll have to leave now, ok?” she turned off the tv

“I don’t want”

“I’m sorry, but we have to. It won’t take long”

Fred realised there was no room for negotiation so held his mother’s hand to leave. He had this habit, to hold her hand, Tom’s or her dad’s. It made her calmer, he liked to stay close.

Ellie made Fred get in the car. She looked around her, then put the seatbelt on her son. When she got in Hardy started the car and they were off.

“Shit. I have to call my dad” she got her phone out of her bag and taped on his contact. David took a while to pick up.

“Hi? Dad?”

“Hi.” he said without enthusiasm, clearly still upset by what happened that morning

“Dad, something happened and I need you to come home”

“Ellie, I can't run to be with the children whenever you say I have to. Can't you wait a while? I'm busy.”

“This is not about the children, dad. I promise I'll explain everything once we are all at home”

“Alright”

They hang up and she exhaled loudly. Ellie turned to Hardy to say “So, you’re sleeping tonight with us?”

“I’ll sleep there as long as you need me to”

“I could never ask that. And you have Daisy too”

“Good, you don’t need to ask because I’m offering. Would you talk to Beth so she can stay there for this while?”

“‘Course, but I’m sure if Daisy asked herself there’d also be no problem. She’s a lovely girl and Beth likes her. You know, you really don’t have to go through all this trouble to...”

“Bloody hell, Miller!” he held the steering wheel tighter “It’s not a trouble at all. Unless you don’t want me there just stop with this nonsense horseshit” ‘Why couldn’t she just let him worry with her?’

Miller? After him calling her Ellie for many times she was bugged by the sound of it.

“No! Don’t get me wrong. I'm grateful you offered to stay, but I don't want to hold you back. I don't want to involve you into this mess. And Ellie’s just fine.”

“I already am! And I'll only let this go when you and your children are fine.”

She looked down, closed her eyes, took a deep breath. She had underestimated his willing to help. Ellie slightly squeezed his arm, almost whispering “Thank you”. Alec’s arm relaxed on her touch, he took a deep breath.

Ellie spent the rest of the ride looking at the window, so as Fred, but for him there was nothing to worry about.

When the trio arrived Tom's training was yet in the middle. Hardy got out of the car first. He released Fred from the seatbelt to give Ellie a minute alone in the car. She opened the door to sit with her legs out of the car leaned forward rubbing her face with both hands; wondering what to say to her eldest.

Alec gestured to the boy “C’mon”. The toddler followed him and they walked slowly, side by side. Acting as it was the most normal thing, and for him it was, Fred took Alec’s hand. Alec was surprised by that, it had been a long time since someone had looked for his hand to hold. Daisy, after she grew, wasn't fond of it. Tess liked it at first, but their marriage had fell apart for a long time now, they lost the want of holding hands early. He was just not used to it anymore. But his heart was full of tenderness that the boy felt so at ease with him.

Ellie put herself together as best as she could. Walking towards the field there was something that made her heart get a little lighter: Fred and Alec holding hands. Fred wasn't to trust easy with the ‘prize’ of handholding, but there he was. But there they were. She never thought she would ever see Alec holding someone's hand, it just seemed too much for him, for his so distant personality. Or if she would ever see it, could be him holding hands with some woman, not her son. Thank God it was her son! But… did she have a problem with that? No she hadn't. No, no she definitely hadn't. This little momentum made her to put aside her problems, even for one instant. She was behind them on purpose. The longer she could see that little scene, the best.

Alec and Fred sat on a bench to watch Tom train, short after Ellie sat too. Fred between the adults.

“Hey boys” she said without any cheer  in her voice. She received a twitch of the corner of Hardy’s mouth, the equivalent of a smile. Ellie kept checking her surroundings. She was tense; kept thinking about everything, except her son’s football training that she was trying to watch. Having this amount of time to think freely didn’t make her good. By the time it ended, she was paranoid with the dangers, that were big, but not as much as she thought that moment. But mainly she thought ‘what will it happen when I tell him?’

“I need your car keys borrowed. I’ll give you a ring” she said out of the blue with her hand ready to receive the key.

Without any hesitation or questions asked Alec placed them in her hand. He had a soft look on his face, with the intention of showing sympathy.

Tom noticed them at some point, by the end he ran towards them.

Ellie saw her son running and took a deep breath, closed her eyes, then looked at him when he spoke.

“Hi. Wh…”

“Tom, dear. Mum needs to talk to you.”

“Errm, ok” he looked at his feet

“C’mon” she nodded towards the car and started to walk. She opened Hardy’s car and got inside with him “Look… everything was taken care of already, but you have to know. Your… your… father… he’s missing. I mean, he was being watched to our safety and now he’s disappeared.” she waited to see Tom’s reaction. He had his mouth opened without really processing. Ellie was afraid he’d turn on her, saying his father wasn’t someone to protect him from, she was afraid he didn’t trust her. After these years they had worked their relationship, but none of the less it was far from perfect. He is a very sweet boy who has been through so much. “The justice is really flawed, we can’t have a police car outside ours without him being convicted, so Hardy is gonna stay with us so you and Fred are properly safe.” tears started to roll down her face “Nothing is gonna happen to you, ok?” she rubbed his arm. “I understand he’s your father and this is not in the slightest a easy thing for you, but love, he’s violent.” Tom nodded while he started to cry in the passenger’s seat. Ellie held him, crying and suffering together. After a while like this they calmed down. Ellie called Alec’s phone, it rang once and she hang up.

When Fred and Alec arrived Tom was in the backseat, Ellie in the passenger's, the key in contact. They went home without saying a single word, even Fred. Alec kept looking at Ellie to check on her. He desperately wanted to do something to help ease all she was going

through, but there was nothing he could do that he wasn’t doing already.

At the house, Fred got back to the telly, Tom went to his room, Alec went to the kitchen to make hot chocolate for the kids and tea for him, Ellie and her dad. He was determined to make this experience as smooth as he could for all of them.

Ellie had to call Beth. It rang three times until she picked up.

“Hi El! How are ya?”

“Hi, Beth. I’m… ok. So, are you busy?”

“No you’re not, you don’t fool me. What happened? And I’m watching telly waiting a client to call, why?”

“This is not easy, Beth. It’s that…” - Beth waited anxiously on the other end of the line - “Joe was being watched, but we don’t know where he is. He might be coming to Broadchurch, so I had to warn you, though is most likely he comes to my place because of the boys.” it hurt on her saying this. She spoke the bit about Joe very quickly, because she was afraid not to make it into the whole information if she said it any slower, then she gave her friend a time to process. Beth’s end was silent “Beth?”

“Yeah” she sniffed “I’m here”

“Look, keep your doors locked and everything but apart from that you will be fine. If he… appears, give me a call and we’ll be in your place in a wink. Don’t let him in, don’t even talk to him…”

“We?”

“Yeah, me and Hardy. He’ll stay in my couch so the kids can truly be safe”

“I’m glad you’re not on our own.”

“I wouldn’t be either way. I have my dad, but…”

“He’s not the best help in that”

“No, he’s not. But that’s why Hardy is being very kind to do this. Oh, by the way, can Daisy stay with you while he’s here?”

“Sure. But is he sure? I mean, with all this…”

“Yeah. He doesn’t want her alone... and she’s safer there than… than she’d be here.”

“Alright, no problem. She’s a sweet girl.” she made a pause “I… Ellie… I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve this. Oh God.”

“I… I…” she didn’t know what to say. She’s been through hell over and over with situations involving Joe and they didn’t seem to have an end. “Thanks. Look,” she sniffed “I gotta go, I’m worried about my dad. Bye, Beth. Take care. Lock everything.”

“Bye El”

Ellie hang up, putting her phone down, taking a time to breathe to try to reach her dad. She dialled and dialled his number, but she had no answer. There was a knock on the door. She jumped.

It was him. That bastard, she didn’t want to see him. She was so mad at al this. So angry. So sad. Why couldn’t he just leave them alone? He can’t force out love from them, that is long gone. He’ll only get anger out of them can’t he see that?

Alec moved to stay close from the boys.

She looked out. It was her father.

“Ellie, I forgot the keys”

She exhaled loudly. “Dad, you can’t… we’ve talked about this.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. But here I am now. Please open the door”

She did. “Dad, this is important. I need to talk to you”

Hardy heard what it was and relaxed, going back to the kitchen.

Ellie brought her dad to the kitchen. He frowned at Alec making hot chocolate. Father and daughter sat, Hardy put the tea in front of him on the table

“I’ll leave you two alone” and gave her a sympathetic look, which was very recurring that day, and left to the living room.

“Dad, Joe… he’s missing. He was being watched and it’s probable he’s coming here.” he was watching his daughter “I just… he might want to force himself into seeing the children and… I worry for you out there. He might try something to you, I… I don’t know what he’s capable of.”  she close her eyes to take a deep breath. Still hurt on her realising she didn’t know the man who had spent so much time next to her “That’s why A...Hardy will be staying here, he’ll help with the kids’ safety. We can’t put police car outside because he’s legally a free man” these last words were bitter in her mouth “He would have the right to see his sons, but I won’t let him anywhere near them.” she wanted so badly start crying again, but she stopped herself.

“Oh, darling, I’m so sorry” David said hugging her.

She didn’t expect that, she didn’t react at first. She thought he was going to accuse her of lying or God knows what. She didn’t expect comprehension or affection from the man who stayed absent during the trial, but she was relieved he wasn’t being an arsehole to her right now. Then she just stayed there, hugging her father and started to cry on his shoulder. She missed it, she missed being in good terms with him.

After she spoke to her dad, she went to the lounge, where Alec and Fred were sitting on the rug and playing with some blocks. Ellie was tired of crying, she just wanted to take her mind off what was worrying her and she could do nothing else to soothe it that hasn’t already been done.

“What have we got here?” she said looking at them and sitting down

“We’re building a city, mum”

“Oh yeah?”

“To keep the people safe from the dragon that’s coming!” the toddler was very excited

“Oh!” she made a face of fear

“Chop chop, Fred,” Alec changed his voice to tease the boy “the dragon won’t be long now!” he turned it back to normal again “Maybe if your mom help us we can save the people in time!”

The boy looked genuinely hurried up “Please mum, please help us”

“I will, love. So, what do I have to do?”

Fred gave her a bunch of instructions, which while following she looked at Alec. She stared for a while, noticing his hair on his forehead and the way he smiled sweetly to Fred. When she realised what she was doing, looked away.

They spent at least one more hour playing like that with Fred until he got tired of it. Alec finally went to the kitchen to finish the hot chocolates and to make more tea. When he came back with the beverages he said “Do you have any board games?” and handed to the toddler a mug “Here's your hot chocolate”

“We do… Tom really likes monopoly. Are you thinking of playing?” Ellie thought this idea was a little absurd. Her family were in crisis and Alec wanted to  distract them with board games. Ellie should be alert to whatever was going on outside, she couldn't afford playing, could she? But then, she wasn’t going to keep surrounding the house or anything, the alarm from outside was on. There wasn’t anything else left to do to help or add to their safety.

“Yes… there’s nothing else we can do, but… wait for some news. And everyone here needs a distraction.”

“I never thought you'd ask me to play monopoly, though” she half smiled

“I don't really care for it, but that's not about me. I said board games so Tom could participate.”

“The game is in Tom’s room. I'll pick it up and call him to play”

He nodded

Ellie went upstairs. Tom's door was closed, so she knocked.

“Tom, dear, can I come in?”

“Yeah”

She opened the door and found her son playing video game. He did that to distract himself. Ellie sat on his bed. “Would you like to play monopoly?”

He looked at his mother a bit confused. “Just you and me?”

“No, Hardy will join us as well. And maybe, if you ask your grandad he might play too, don’t you think?”

He looked even more confused. Hardy playing monopoly? _Grandad_ playing monopoly? But then, this would be the biggest amount of people he’d reunited in a good while to play. He felt sad, because last time he remembered playing with many people was with Danny, his dad, his mum, Mark, Beth and Chloe. He missed company. His mother isn’t enough because he needs friends, but right now, she gathered some grumpy men to play monopoly and he appreciated that. “Ok…”

The mother smiled weakly at her son. “Call your grandad while I set the board, ok?”

“Alright”

Tom picked the game for his mom giving it to her. She left holding it on both hands to put it over the dinner table. Alec was separating the cards, Ellie was opening the board and Fred was drawing next to them. Then both started to separate the money.

“That's too much” she said to him when he picked four notes of 500.

“No, it's not. I've always played like this with Daisy.”

“You've been playing it wrongly then. Poor girl” she teased him. It felt comfortable in their common ground of bickering

“Bloody hell, no.”

“Great point, but you're still wrong”

Ellie was looking in the box for the rules, but Alec had them in his hands already.

“We use…” she wasn’t tall enough to look over his shoulder, so she had to get closer to him, her shoulder almost brushing him. He ran his fingers through the paper to find the information then grimaced “two”

She laughed and slightly bumped her shoulder on him “I told you so, Alec!”

Now he made a face of surprise and turned to face her. He didn't expect her to use his birth name.

“What? If you're calling me Ellie I _will_ call you Alec.”

“I thought you minded using birth names” he almost said ‘you minded me using your birth name’, because that was true enough, but he rathered not.

“I minded then because you made such a big deal of it in the first place. But we're not creating a _false_ illusion of intimacy now, are we?”

He looked really embarrassed “Erm, no… definitely” they definitely weren’t. She was the closest person he had, apart from his daughter. He was just awful on showing it.

She grinned with his ‘definitely’

He felt that warmth all over him again with her grin; it felt even better because he made her smile in a situation like the one they were living in that very moment.

Ellie looked away and put a hand on her hair to busy herself with something “You know, I was never sure if we were friends. You started pushing me away and I got used to it. I felt like maybe you were just forcing yourself to be nice to me, maybe because of what happened and besides I didn't want anything else built from that situation, so I pushed you away too. But now I now we are friends and that makes me happy” the thoughts flooded her mind ‘happy? What the living hell, Ellie?’ now she just wanted to get in a hole. They didn’t talk about their feelings regarding each other, that’s not how they worked. But… it has been changing. No. This is a good thing, they were opening. She wouldn’t make it a bad thing.

Alec was stunned by that. He had one more confirmation, after her hug, that she liked him. Hearing her saying that was… comforting. It didn’t matter if she said it was mostly on him, having this statement of her friendship made him feel good. Yes. They were friends. Maybe…yeah. Friends. He had his mouth a little opened, trying to figure out what he should say. But he didn’t had to because there were footsteps on the stairs and before they knew, Tom and David were entering the room.

“Go on then, let’s play” David was dedicated to make it easier as he could for his grandson, mainly but also for his daughter.

Tom was the banker, he sat besides his grandfather. Alec was in the end of the table, next to Ellie and to her side, Fred. The toddler realised that everyone was going to play except for him.

“Mamma I wanna play too” he stood up and stood besides his mother

“Oh! Okay.” she lifted him by his armpits to put him on her lap “You’ll play with me, ok sweetheart? We’ll be a team!”

Fred looked really excited, he was playing a grown up game. He took care of Ellie’s cards and money. She pointed out what he should do and he obeyed like his life depended on that. They were all amused, but Ellie distracted herself from the game with frequence. She went to look outside; through the windows, the front door and the back door. The game lasted the afternoon and her ‘rounds’ were made with excuses of getting water or some snacks to everybody. David didn’t notice, but Alec did and he got more concerned with her every time she stood up. He didn’t want her paranoic, but it was almost impossible not to be, given the situation.

When the game ended Tom was celebrating his win over Alec, who was the boy's biggest business threat on the game and surprisingly good.

Ellie picked up the plate she brought the cookies on with only crumbs left. She intended to take another look around. Alec noticed and followed her with some glasses they had orange juice on. This left Tom and David to put the game away.

She realised Alec followed her to the kitchen so she noisily exhaled while putting the plate on the sink.

“Ellie,” - she asked for her given name to be used, but the fact that he did use it pleasantly startled her. With the use of it she turned around to face him and he was closer than she thought he would by hearing his voice- “I know what you're doing. This isn't healthy for you. The alarm is on and that's a better monitoring than any human being.”

“I do trust the monitoring. I just don't trust it to be on and working.” she supported her body on the sink.

“If we test it that will reassure you?” he was showing his concern also in the tone of his voice

“I guess” she answered with her gaze lost in the kitchen.

Suddenly, for Ellie who was distracted, she felt a hand on her wrist, pulling it gently but firmly. She jumped a little with it and he let it go. Ellie came closer, much closer, to him, shoulders with an inch from touching, to indicate he wasn't the problem and she hoped he’d notice that.

Alec nodded towards the way to the back door and so they went.

The alarm control was placed near the door to the common on an almost clear wall. Ellie stayed there to turn it off and Alec was going to go outside to set it on as it didn't distinguish who's coming in or out of the house.

“We're just testing” she shouted “On you go” she said to Alec.

He stepped out of the room and the alarm went on, deafening especially for her, near it. She turned it off while he got inside.

“Satisfied?”

Ellie nodded negatively looking sad.

Yeah, her life problems wouldn't be solved by a burglar alarm, but he could only try for it to soothe the situation a wee bit. He debated with himself either to rub her back or leave it be, but he took too long, Ellie was already heading again to  the kitchen presumably to cook.

Alec catched up with Ellie in the kitchen to talk to her “I’ll make the dinner”

She looked at him inquisitively “Since when you’re so keen on cooking?”

“I’m not. Your cooking is rubbish and we both now that”

She frowned to pretend she cared with his insult, but also, they both knew she didn’t “I am improving significantly! It’s been forever since you’d last eaten something I made.”

“Remember that stew during the Sandbrook investigation? We had to order food because it was uneatable. An improvement  from that is easy, but it still doesn’t qualify something as good food”

“My sons and my father are still alive, aren’t they?”

“I have a theory that they secretly eat their meals before or after and they in front of you they pretend to eat what you make them”

She made an outraged face “Oh, you’re just talking shit now”

“I’ll ask Tom then, what he thinks of your food” he said with a playful look

Ellie made a grimace and Hardy turned his back for her to look for Tom. She picked her phone.

Tom’s phone buzzed, he put the password to see a message from his mum.

E **: If u tell Hardy u like my food I'll give u a kitkat**

“Tom?” Alec looked for him in the dining room

T: **That means we r eating ur food?**

E: **Yes**

“Hardy, please don't let us eat mum's food today.” Tom sort of shouted from the lounge.

Alec went back to the kitchen with a smug look on his face “You texted him!”

“I hate cooking” she said like it explained it all

“Well, you can't be a good copper, a good cook and pretty. That just wouldn't be fair to other people.”  he realised what he said when he stopped talking. He called her pretty. It just slipped. Before he said it he doubted this was even a conscious thought. His face was hotter and hotter and his cheeks very red. He looked down and put his hands on the pants pockets.

Ellie was completely without a reaction at first. He never ever complimented her like that. Was he… flirting? All the same, she felt flattered. “Did you just called me pretty?”

“No, no, I didn't” he sounded mortified. He didn't want to look at her out of embarrassment. Had he flirted with her?

“Yes, you did!” she was embarrassed, but also a little amused.

She made that remark and for him she could be answering his mental question “No, no, no I didn't”

“Oh thanks for denying so much. I'm not pretty then?”

Alec finally looked at her. She gazed him with tenderness and crimson cheeks. “No.” What?! No? ‘Alec, what's wrong with you?’ He thought she was very pretty. He saw her eyebrows going up and as quick as he could he said “Yes! Yes, you are.” he added to make hear believe “You have lovely…” his eyes flickered through her to those big brown eyes, then to her pink cheeks, then it lingered a second on her lips with gloss, then to her breasts where it lingered another second while he looked at the medium cleavage of her top, then back, up, to her curly hair that fell on cascade over her shoulder. What was he doing again? Compliment, yes. Hair was more, erm, neutral “hair” he hoped she hadn't seen that.

Her cheeks turned crimson. Now she was just speechless. She noticed his look changing to her eyes, cheeks, mouth, erm breasts and hair. It didn't made her feel uncomfortable, though. She felt flattered, not invaded like it happened with most men. Were they really flirting? What just happened?

“Sorry” he said to break the silence

That took her out of the state she was in. “What? About what? You can't compliment me then apologise for it”

“I made you feel embarrassed”

“No, no. It's okay. Don't bother… and...thanks” she smiled looking slightly down actually thanking mostly for what he hadn't said. She walked past him still smiling, giving herself the excuse to look on Fred. Ellie just actually looked, she had to figure what to do with dinner. Fred was drawing while Tom was watching telly.

“Fred's drawing” she said to Alec while he drank water “Since my food's ghastly, what are we gonna do? Cos we can't order.”

“I'll cook.” he said like it was the most obvious thing of the world

“I can't ask you that”

“You didn't. Go to the living room or something, I'll call you when it's ready.”

Ellie thought ‘What did I do to deserve him?’. This had occurred her a lot of times now, but it was the first time it was utterly positive. “No way I'm gonna let you cook here like a hired chef. Tell me what to do. I do know how to cut onions.”

“Fine. Do you have beef?”

“I think so”

“Right. So we’re making roast beef, alright?”

“Sure”

Alec checked what he had available and he was surprised to see there were vegetables there, but he suspected it was David’s doing. Ellie chopped everything. She was good with a knife, but she found that an extremely boring activity so she went on and on making conversation with him. They finished the cooking quickly and soon they had everybody on the table eating. There were many remarks about the food from Tom to his mum to provoke her, he loved to make fun of her cooking and she let him, she liked to have her son laughing with (or at) her. After they finished Ellie almost tied Alec in the chair so he wouldn’t do anything else to help; then Ellie and David cleaned the table and Tom washed the dishes. When things were done David and Tom went upstairs.

“Mummy! Wanna watch Robin Wood?” Fred grabbed her hand and guided her to the living room, Alec followed them.

“Of course I do!” she turned to the adult “If you wanna do something else, I can get you a newspaper or a book… I’m sorry, still no computer.”

He turned to the toddler “But Robin Hood sounds so much fun!” back to Ellie “I’ll watch it. Plus, it was one of Daisy’s favourites.”

Alec sat near the end of the couch to give them both space to be comfortable. Ellie was turning on the TV and putting the movie. Fred was waiting for her standing, so he could then snuggle on her when she was settled. She sat almost sideways turned to the center of the couch with her legs folded, her head was supported by her hand. Fred made himself comfortable with his torso on hers and legs stretched. She put the film on and while it started Fred poked Alec with one foot with a cheeky look just to tease him but at the same time it was almost like he was comunicating that the adult wasn't forgotten. That evoked on Alec some nostalgia.

Along with the film Ellie and Alec were letting their bodies slide to the center of the couch. Alec when changed position got a little closer to Fred. A little past the middle of the film Fred was uncomfortable and shifted to a more lying down position on his mother, but his legs were sliding out of place, so he said “Close, uncle Awec” slightly pulling the fabric of his trousers of his knee.

Uncle Alec did as he was told and now he was sitting almost straight, but with his torso inclined in the direction of the center of the couch. Fred put his legs over Alec’s, it looked a slightly odd position, but he was comfy.

In a little while Ellie regretted not changing her position when she could, because her arm was getting numb. She looked at her son; he was very concentrated on the film and she wouldn't risk shifting.

Alec noticed she was unquiet and mouthed her in the dark room with only the telly to light up their faces “What's wrong?”

She moved her arm to indicate, mouthing “My arm is numb”

Alec looked at her whole position and quickly realised she wouldn't move because of her son. He was a lot more free to shift, so he got closer sitting straighter so his shoulder was higher than before, he mouthed “Lean on me”, but Ellie didn't understood so he whispered “Lean on me”. A chill ran over her back, but she decided to ignore because she didn't know what to do with it. She did lean on him and supported her head on his shoulder; this felt natural and comfortable. Alec decided to take a chance and lay his head over hers.

They were both remembering the time they fell asleep in that same couch in a very alike position. What was different was that this time they were really fitting. There was no other position on their minds that seemed more comfortable than that one. Even with all the problems going on there was no other place they rathered be, although both found it difficult to admit to themselves.

For the disappointment of all, the movie had an ending and the adults had to deal with a sleepy toddler craving for one more film.

“Mum, I wanna watch finding Nemo”

“We can watch it tomorrow” she turned off the TV “you are going to bed”

“I don't want!”

“It's late, love. Tomorrow we'll have plenty of time.”

“I'm not tired,mum”

Ellie exhaled loudly. Alec took this as his cue.

“Wee Fred, what if I read you a story? Will you go to bed?”

“Yes!” he said excited

Ellie looked at him “Would you?”

He  answered cheerfully  “I said I would!” he looked at the boy “Let's go?”

Fred nodded with the same excitement. The three of them got upstairs.

“What do you wanna read?” Hardy said in the bedroom

“You choose!”

Ellie dressed the boy with his pajamas while Alec picked something. She tucked Fred in and sat on his bed, caressing his curls.

Alec got a chair and put it beside the bed to read a story about a dragon. In the middle of the story Ellie gave the boy a kiss in his forehead saying really softly “Mama’s gonna take a bath. Do you stay with uncle Alec?” he sleepily nodded “Sleep tight. I love you, even more than chocolate.” She stood up, walked out of the room, but stopped at the door to look at them. Alec noticed and said with the same voice tone he was using to the the story that even could be part of it “I got it”.

This made Ellie smile and so she finally left to the bathroom. After her bath she felt renewed, although still worried. Alec had already finished the story and reported to her that the boy was asleep when they met in the kitchen, both were going to make tea. They had their tea in silence.Ellie picked the sheets to put on the couch and some pyjamas for Alec.

“Look, I’ve got you these, they were the only ones that could fit.” 

He looked at it like it she was giving him an animal

“Thanks. I don’t think I’ll need them though.”

“Oh, hell no. No way you’re gonna sleep in a suit. If you want to stay in this house tonight you’ll wear fucking pjs”

He gave in “Alright” they put the sheets on together and said good night to each other with a smile. Ellie headed upstairs, to give Tom good night, so did Alec, to change clothes. He entered the bathroom, close the door, unfolded what she gave her. It was a big Queen top with Freddie Mercury on it and track pants. He put his nose on them and breathed in. They smelled like Ellie, a sweet smell that made him feel good. He got back down and called Daisy.

When she finally laid down she couldn’t sleep. She spent hours staring at the ceiling without the slightest intention of having sleeping pills. Within a while she began to be paranoid and she stopped in the boys’ rooms  to check on them, then she went downstairs. In the end of the stairs she heard some noises in the lounge, so walked slowly and quietly to see what was going on, her adrenaline on the roof. What she heard scared her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot a little detail on the previous chapter, so before you start this one give a quick look on the ending. I added one small thing.

What she heard scared her. There was a loud noise of heavy breathing. She just assumed the worse: Joe had broke in and was hurting Alec. She grabbed an umbrella, got closer and closer, trying to see in the dark. When she verified that there was no immediate threat to any of them, letting loose the umbrella, it fell on the ground, she ran towards him, even if it wasn't a large room, to see what was going on.

“Alec? Alec? Don't you dare do this to me” his lack of answer made dispair grow inside her.

Now her eyes were used to the darkness. She distinguished Alec’s body on the couch, maybe with his eyes shut, she couldn't really tell. He kept breathing heavily and irregularly. She moved her hand to his jugular to see the pulse, his skin felt really hot and he was soaked with sweat. Although his heart was beating fast, he wasn't having a heart attack. Ellie assumed he was sleeping, and was very surprised when he didn't wake at her touch.

Alec’s breath became even more irregular.

“Alec? Wake up, wake up!” she put a hand on his shoulder and shook it mildly, trying to be gentle.

He grasped for air, his back arched. “Alec! Alec!” she abandoned all the gentleness by holding his both shoulders and shaking him with vigour. He coughed violently, like he was coughing water out of his lungs and finally woke up, opening his eyes, grasping again for air. He couldn't really see who was there, but he knew, he felt it was Ellie. She is the only one who is always there for him. He felt so relieved he didn't wake from this nightmare alone.

“Oh, thank God.” Ellie pulled him into a hug when she saw he woke up and his breath was almost back to normal “You gave me a hell of fright, you wanker”.

Pippa was so heavy, but the hug made him feel like he was sharing that weight, it didn't feel so heavy anymore. He began to sob with his forehead supported on her shoulder, his body shaking, with his arms hanging loose along her body “I couldn't save her, Ellie. I couldn't save her. I couldn't save Danny. I couldn't even arrest who hurt them. And now… and now… you're all in danger because of my incompetence” he also feared for Ellie’s children, he didn’t want them to be on that horrendous list. He feared his efforts wouldn’t be enough to hold him back and he had failed to put him in jail. He was at her house to make the best he could to keep those children safe, untouched. That is a thought he would never verbalize to her.

There was absolute no need for him to verbalise his dream. He choked, he spoke about Pippa and she knew, although he had never said anything to her, she knew. “You're not incompetent! You couldn't save them, this has never been on you. You got justice for them. Lee, Claire and Rick are in jail because you never gave up. I'm not sleeping with… with…” she bit her lip “because you didn't give up, because you were here, refusing to let the case go. We all know the truth because of you.”

“It was all you, Ellie. You figured out. If you…”

She didn't let him finish. She hated how self depreciative he sounded “I think we can agree that we couldn't have made it without one another. I needed you and you needed me.”  

Alec settled on that, although still sobbing with all the pain the nightmare brought back to him, he was calmer. It could be the most obvious affirmation, but Ellie made it feel true by saying it aloud to him. He adjusted his position, sitting, because before he wasn't sitting nor lying down. His head was still on her shoulder, his tears made a circular mark on her pyjamas.

Ellie started to stroke his hair on the back of his head. He was finally easing down. She gave him the space to speak if he wanted to, but he kept silent “Listen, I'm not having you with self depreciative bullshit.” she paused stroking his hair to bollock him, moving her hand to his back “If you keep this attitude, I’ll be obligated to kick you in the balls so you be less of a wanker.”  then she got back to caress his hair. Now and then she ran her fingers on his scalp, “You're an wonderful, gentle person. You can’t act as if those shitty  things that happened defined you entirely as person, because I know they don’t. You’re more than that, Alec. Of course they occupy a big space, but you can’t let them win and take over you. You had a whole past before that, also, things that happened after and things that are still to happen. Just… don’t let  it eat up your soul.”

After hearing this, he started to cry harder again. Ellie tighten her hug and changed the movement to rubbing his back slowly doing circular movements with her right hand. It had been such a long time since someone spoke like this to him. He never had many friends and he lost touch with those few. Tess had spoke to him like this once, early in their marriage, when his mother died; then never again. Although, she had absolutely no problem putting him down; that she did to him countless times. Tess disqualified him even after he had found Pippa, when they argued about the pendant, and she knew just the right place to poke. Ellie cursed him a lot, but she never, ever made him feel like shit about himself, quite the opposite. Tess never cursed, but that wasn’t needed to put him down; sometimes he felt a piece of crap. Yeah, she didn’t help in his self esteem.

“This is recurring dream, isn’t it?”

He nodded on her shoulder. His crying had slowly decreased again.

“How long have you been having this all on your own?” she thought it was it was a stupid question, she damn could guess when it started, but even so “You stupid.” she grabbed the fabric of his t-shirt on the sleeves and shook him mildly “Why didn’t you tell me?” with that he supported his back on the backrest and raised his head.

Some answers crossed his mind: ‘Because I didn’t think it mattered enough’, ‘You were going through so much and I didn’t want to bother you’; but he didn’t want to say them. Instead he replied almost inaudibly “I dunno”. Ellie looked like she was about to hit him.

“Fucking stupid. You’re so… so…. bloody hell, you didn’t have to got through this alone, it’s horrible.” she paused, taking a deep breath “How frequent is it?”

“It used to happen almost every day. When you solved the case and they were arrested it slowed down. After a year or so, it just appeared when I was very stressed or under extreme pressure. Then, gradually stopped. When I came back to Broadchurch I didn’t have them anymore, I thought they were gone. This is the first time in a very good while” he said it all looking down and because of the darkness she couldn’t tell. He couldn’t really face her.

She rubbed his arm gently “You won’t have them anymore, it was only a relapse”

“Hope so” Alec said exhaling deeply.

“If it happens again, which won’t, but, anyway... you can call me. Anytime.”

There was only one possible answer to all this “Thank you...You were right. We’re not all alone.”

She grinned at him, but he couldn’t see, so she gave his hand a squeeze.

“You should lie down… try and get some sleep” he said that to her, but they were both afraid of their nightmares.

“Can I… stay here for a little while? I can't sleep”

“If you want to” he actually wanted her to stay. It was so much better to have company after the nightmare. Her company.

Ellie didn't want to be alone, and she realised that neither did Alec.

He slid his body down in the couch to a comfortable position, a little in diagonal, he got ready to watch TV or just talk. Now that he was calmer he began to feel embarrassed for what happened, he was weeping like a wee boy on Ellie’s shoulder, but she took it with grace, she was so gentle with him. He enjoyed her stroking his hair more than he would admit or would like to admit at all. When she ran her fingers on his scalp he slightly shivered, but that, he assumed, was interpreted by her as some reaction attached to the crying. It wasn't.

Ellie sat close to him, not close enough to touch, but close; the darkness made her a wee bit bolder. She felt a lot of empathy for Alec, she had her own frightening nightmares, although she reckoned they probably felt different. What happened worried her enough to take her mind off the Joe situation until Alec was properly calmed down. Until she was sure he alright, there was nothing else going on. He said he only had these nightmares under extreme stress and she felt so, so bad that she was the one who had put him in this place.

“I… embarrassed myself.” Alec needed to say that. She had been through so much more and he was crying like a child over a nightmare.

“Shut up! It's completely normal for a man to cry”

“It’s not really about that. It was everything over only a nightmare and…”

“Stop it. What you felt was real and it hurt you, Alec. It's a scar that takes a very long while to heal. That's not only a nightmare. And look… it's only me.”

“No such thing as only you”

Ellie blushed and she felt relieved he couldn’t see it.

Alec yawned, with that so did Ellie.

“I have nightmares too. Those recurring, I mean.” she paused “I dream about... killing Joe… but Tom and Fred are somewhere I can’t see them watching the whole thing. When I do it… they appear out of the blue and they’re chocked, they’re crying, they don’t wanna come with me, hug me… the nightmare usually follows the insomnia or happens randomly. I used to sleep with Fred in the bed, so I’d have something I could hold onto when I wake up. With him there, I knew it hadn’t been real.” she was just too tired to cry about this again

“That’s horrible” he said touching her arm. The darkness brought with it the need of more touch to express what they felt since they couldn’t see each other’s face. He suddenly felt grateful for it.

“Yeah” she sniffed and put her hand over his, stroking twice mildly with her fingers and let go.

When she let go her hand of his, he did the same, putting the hand that was before on her arm, back to his lap, although when she stroke his hand he felt an urge to hold it. To comfort her, only, he said to himself. None of the less, the back of his hand was tingling.

After a while of silence Alec spoke “Elie… all this that’s happening to you… that happened to you… you don’t deserve not even a wee bit of it. You know that, don’t ya?”

Ellie didn’t answer, the risk of crying was too big and she didn't want that. Instead, she slowly  approached him, leaned over him to give him a hug.

Alec was surprised, but he just put his chin over her head, which was on is chest, and his arms around her, returning the hug.

They were both very comfortable in that position, and they just stayed like that for a while. Then, Ellie moved, like she was going to get up and Alec unconsciously tightened his grip, but as quickly when he realised it, he loosened it up. She noticed that and shifted the to another position, still in the couch, still in his arms. They adjusted with him lying straight on the couch, his legs stretched; her head partially on his shoulder, partially on his chest, lying on her side with his arms around her, between him and the couch backrest. No word was said. They fell asleep cuddling, peacefully, no nightmares.

Ellie woke up early, before everybody else. She felt shyer in the daylight, but Alec was sleeping so peacefully she didn’t want to disturb him, so she just stayed there. Lying on his chest, his hand on her waist and she breathed in his smell. When she heard a noise of a door opening upstairs she finally moved, delicately taking off his arm around her, then sliding out of the couch. She heard the bathroom door open, then close distinguishably, so, taking advantage of no-one downstairs, she leaned over a sleeping Alec, printed a kiss on his forehead and left to the kitchen. Ellie drank a glass of water, put the kettle on and her dad appeared on the kitchen.

“Morning”

“Mornin’, dad.” she picked up a bowl and started to eat cereal.

Meanwhile, Alec woke up and went to the bathroom upstairs. When he got out, he heard a low voice calling

“Mummy? Mummy?”

He went to Fred's room to see what was happening. He opened the door and found a crying toddler, shrunken in a little ball, back against the wall over his bed.

“Hey, hey, hey. It's ok, uncle Alec is here.” he said approaching to the boy. He sat on the bed and pulled Fred closer. “What's going on?”

“A strange noise, I’m scared! I want mummy.”

“Oh, okay. Let's take you to her.” Alec got out of his bed, but he wouldn't step out of it or didn’t even want Alec to do so.

“Monster! Monster under the bed. Don't go uncle Alec, don't go.”

“Here?” when he leaned down Fred cried more “It's OK, Fred. I'll see what it is.” he looked down on the boy's bed “Oh, there's absolutely nothing here. It's safe.” but Fred was still afraid.

Alec decided to try another way, so he looked down on the bed again.

“Fred,  I think I've seen something.” Fred make a noise of surprise and fear. Alec put part of his body under the bed, like he was going to catch something, but he pretended to fight something there. Then, getting out, he gave a final punch that he made sure Fred had seen it. “I believe it's not gonna bother you ever again.”

“Sure?”

“Sure, wee lad.” he sat on the bed again “Let's go to mum?”

“Still afraid.”

“Y’know what? Why don't we… go by horse to her?”

“Horse?”

“Or a train!” he turned on his back so the boy could go up in it “Choo choo, all on board!”

Fred understood the idea and jumped on the adult's back full of excitement, forgetting the tears. They went to the the kitchen with Fred laughing and Alec smiling while making train sounds.

When they were at the door, Ellie, alone in the kitchen, turned around with the sweetest look. She saw Alec so at ease with Fred, he had a smile on his face, one of those rare smiles, but it lighted up his whole being. It marvelled her what her son was capable of doing to this grumpy man. She couldn’t help to think that she also wanted to put those smiles in his face.“Hey lovely boys!” oh, shit. She only had a moment to know how to play this one out.

“Someone wanted their mummy.” Alec said while passing Fred to her.

She took him on her arms and caressed his curls “Good morning!”

He looked at her and gave a little step back “Erm, lovely?”

“Yeah, Fred!” she looked back at him

“You said boys”

“I didn't”

“You did”

“No!”

He said with a bit of irony “I'm not lovely?”

“No” she said with a grin

He made an offended face. Now… had she said it, really? She planted a doubt on his mind.

Still with a smile “See? I can stand up for my ‘no’.”

“Fred” he called “didn't your mum say boys?”

The boy was playing with his mother's hair, but his attention was caught by the mention of his name “uh?”

Alec exhaled loudly, admitting defeat. But had she said it? If she did, that would put a different light on things.

They had breakfast together, Ellie was finishing hers, but she waited for them and assisted Fred. It was a Saturday, so they didn't need to go to, or miss, work. The day passed at ease, with only a few moments of tension for Ellie, startled by some noise or worry. At the end of the afternoon they were all playing uno on the living room. Alec went to drink water after his turn, but in the kitchen he received a phone call. He spent so much time at the kitchen, that Ellie went to check on him, she told David and Tom to keep playing. When she entered the room she saw he was on the phone, passing around the kitchen with a frown. She touched his shoulder and he was startled, because he was concentrated in the talk. He looked at her, his eyes gained a touch of sorrow and Ellie just knew what it was. She was full of expectation.

He said to the person on the other end of the line “Alright.” the person spoke something “Thank you. Yeah.” he turned off. “Ellie, I have news, but I think it’s better for you to sit.”

“No, thanks. I just wanna know.”

“I really th…”

“Alec, please”

He spoke really slowly, so she could process or stop him if she like “He was missing because… he died.”

Her eyes widened, she started to babble some intelligible sounds. With this reaction he decided to say the rest of it a little later. Alec got closer to her and put his hand on her arm. She opened her mouth, her breath became quicker and shallower, she slid her body down, until she was sitting on the floor. Alec sat with her, legs crossed, his knee almost touching hers, but he had the care to wait for her to look for his support. She stared a fix point in the kitchen for what felt like eternity with both her legs folded to her right side. Some tears rolled down her eyes and she moved wipe them, then with the same hand she took Alec’s hand. Their hands fell entangled on her lap, she drew herself closer to him, now not only knees, but a bit their legs touching.

“What happened?” an image of her nightmare emerged to her mind, but she had the relief to know that this wasn't it.

“They only just found his body on the sea. He killed himself.”

She closed her eyes to process, squeezing his hand; took a deep breath and opened them again. “How can you be so sure?” she wanted to know what they found out.

“He was wearing really heavy gym weights on his ankles and wrists”

She looked at him horrified, she was a mess “I… I don't really know what I'm feeling. Just…” but the rest of the sentence didn't come out.

Alec pulled her into a sort of a hug with the other arm without letting her hand go. He said smoothly “You know you can always talk to me, right?”

She nodded “Uh, do you already know if he… left… anything?”

“Yeah, I know a person who works in the local police and he told me that he left nothing for nobody. No letters, no money, nothing.”

“Oh.” she breathed heavily “I guess that's a relief.” then came to her conciseness a subject that she didn't know how it hadn’t appeared before “Oh, Alec. No.” - he looked at her with a questioning face -, she started to properly cry “I have to tell Tom. What am I gonna say to him?” she sniffed “What can I even say to try and make this better? My boy, my Tom, went through so, so much already. Why can't this stop for him?”

He looked at her like his own heart was being crushed by a fist and the cure for it was Ellie being all better “It will now. No more broken heart for both of you for now on.”

She cherished that, she thought he never sounded so sweet. What an irony, it was such a bitter moment. “I… I have to tell Tom. Could you distract Fred for this while?”

“‘Course. Anything you need.”

She made a move to stand up and he took his arm off her. Ellie went to the sink wiping her tears, then splashed water on her face. Alec stood by the door waiting for her. She walked in front of him to the lounge, her face showed mild signs that she had been crying

She stood by the couch “Tom, love? I need to speak to you.”

Alec was already talking to Fred so they could go outside to the yard. David looked at the pair of them trying and managing to figure what was all that about. Without anybody having to ask him to do so, David went outside too.

Ellie and Tom were sitting side by side.

“Mum, what happened?” he saw the look in her face and he was afraid of what could be the news.

“It's about Joe.”

Of course it was, Tom thought. It's always about him, even when it wasn’t supposed to. At school, with his friends… he would always be the son of a pedophile. “What about him?”

“He… Oh, love.” she held his hand “He died.”

“What? Wasn't he missing?” tears started to appear in his eyes

Ellie's heart was being shattered already  “Yes, he was. But that happened because… he was in the sea. They found him just now. I'm sorry, but I think it's important and fair for you to know that…” she closed her eyes, took took a deep breath “he killed himself.

“He's… d... d… dead?” his bottom lip was trembling. There was something comforting about his father being away but not dead. The suicide… that was an admission of guilt and Tom always had a sparkle of hope, hidden deep in his soul that his father wouldn't be the guilty one. It was conflicting because he knew, he knew his dad was guilty and he felt disgusted by this man who killed his best friend, he didn't want to be anywhere near him. That period during the trial was just a denial phase.

Ellie pressed her lips against each other “Yes.”

Tears started to pour down his eyes and soon he was sobbing. Ellie pulled him closer and hugged him. She couldn't stand to watch her boy crying without crying as well. They were crying not just over the death, but over everything that had happened.

“I'm sorry, mum.” he said suddenly while still crying

“What for, love? There's no…” she rubbed the back of his shoulder

“There is. I've been… I've been… I'm sorry. It's just… it's so hard at school. I was trying to be accepted. To be liked. My da… he. He haunts me, people don't let it go. But I ended up hurting you. I'm a shitty son. I always hurt you. I'm an expert in hurting you. And I didn't even wanted to assume I was wrong.”

Ellie didn't expect that at all, but she felt touched “People make mistakes, darling. And you're not a shitty son. You're really, really not.” she was crying harder herself “It's alright.” she started to caress his hair “Shh, shh it's alright. I love you. I love you so, so much. Nothing can change that. Nothing. Not ever.” She was relieved to see that Tom understood things better than she thought he did. He said some things to worry about, but she would leave that for later. Her boy did care for her after all.

It could seem foolish, but he thought she might love him less after all the times he hurt her. He felt relieved and promised himself to value more his own mum.

After a while Ellie loosen the hug to look at him, Tom's face was red, he was crying, but not sobbing anymore; she rubbed his back to ask softly "Hey love, would you like a glass of water, uh? How's that?"

Tom nodded

"I'll get it for you." She went to the kitchen with heavy heart. She leaned on the sink, trying to focus, then took a deep breath, filled a glassed with water and returned to the lounge. She handed him the glass “I…” she breathed heavily, that nightmare didn't end “have to talk to Beth. You both will stay with grandad, ok? I'm sorry to leave. Do you want me to stay a little longer?”

The boy had a sip, dried a few tears with his sleeve and said "Ok. It's fine"

“Ok, love.” she said wiping her face “I'm sorry” it hurt her to leave him in such situation, but Beth deserved to know from her and in person.

Tom finished drinking his water to then stand up; Ellie hugged him again, then kissed the top of his head. She walked to the yard, Tom to the kitchen. As soon as she got out and her father noticed her presence he hugged her.

“I'm sorry. He told me.” He hugged her but didn't say anything else, he didn't know what to say. And for the first time in a long time when he didn't know what to say he kept his mouth shut.

“Thanks, dad” she whispered. Now, getting off his hug, talking to both adults “I have to talk to Beth. Dad, I need you to stay with the children. Please keep an eye on Tom.”

Alec was so impressed with Ellie's strength, she put her pain aside to make sure everyone was fine. But someone needed to make sure she was fine. He was looking at her, admiring and trying to read her emotions.

Ellie walked towards Alec “Coming? So you can get Daisy.”

“Yeah, I'm going too.”

With that they walked in silence while Ellie closed the gate to the common field, after walking a moment in silence Alec spoke “I think I shouldn't get Daisy tonight”.

Ellie looked at him confused. “What? Why not? I mean, there's no danger. It's ok for you to leave now”.

“Do you want me to? If you want to be alone wi…”

“I don't wanna be alone.” she said with sudden despair.

“You don't have to. You're not.” he paused not knowing how to talk about what he needed. They were almost arriving and getting there would bring Ellie a whole new amount of things to deal with “I think I should stay tonight as well, to help with Fred and anything else you need.”

They were almost touching each other while walking. It always happened when Ellie was suffering the most. He wished for a change, he wanted to be close from her also when she wasn't sad. Wait, he wanted to be close from her. No, no, Alec. Weren't you trying to let it go? Stop thinking about it. She's right by your side, suffering, she would never want to… Ellie interrupted his thoughts by speaking.

“You're really aiming for forgiveness from those three years away, aren't ya? You've been an impeccable friend so far.” this was so gentle of him. She felt touched that she could count on someone after all the shit she had been through. It admired her that he actually made an effort to be near her, she didn't expect this from him, again. Maybe it was his strong sense of duty. She was on the edge of a breakdown, Alec being gentle to her made it harder to cope, but talking like this to him, in this thin line between insulting and complementing gave her a glimpse of normality she needed to keep being strong to complete her task, she couldn't fall apart now.

“So, is that okay for ya?” his eyes were full of worry

She said with gratitude printed on her face, but not able to say anything else “Yeah”. With them, not always words were needed.

They arrived at Beth’s. Ellie stopped for a moment  at her gate to breathe. “Could you take care of Lizzie while I talk to Beth and Chloe?”

“‘Course”

Ellie looked at him, thanking without words and shouted “Beth! It's Ellie!” she tried to open the gate but it had had a lock on.

Beth saw her and Alec through the window and soon she was fussing over the gate looking worried “What happened? Why are you both here? Shouldn't the kids…”

“Beth, Ellie will explain to you what is going on, just take it easy, sit first” Alec took the cue. Ellie was a wreck, he knew her, he could feel her on his side making the biggest effort to keep it together. Beth could be more helpful about that, he thought. Ellie was going through personal hell and Beth wasn't doing anything to make it easier for Ellie.

Beth seemed to accept what Alec had said. She leaded the group inside. They met Chloe and Daisy next to the stairs, on their way to the lounge.

“Dad!” Daisie seemed pleasantly surprised, but soon she remembered what his presence meant in that context. She gave him a quick hug and stood staring at him worried, while Ellie and Chloe exchanged weak “hello's”.

“Where's Lizzie?” Ellie asked forcing her voice to sound calm

“Taking a nap upstairs.” Beth said still agitated

“Alec will keep an eye on her while we talk, don’t worry.”

Daisy looked at her father like he had something on his face by the sound of Ellie calling him by his first name. She would strange anyone calling him Alec, except for her mother. What got her attention even more was that none of them reacted like this was unusual. Her father didn’t even see her looking at him, he was looking at Ellie with concern and care, for a moment she thought she had seen something else, but Ellie walked Beth and Chloe to the lounge, leaving Alec and Daisy behind and the moment passed. His father turned to her to speak

“Hey, darlin’. How are you?”

“I’m ok… Dad, what’s going on?”

Alec sat on the stairs and Daisy did the same

He looked at his hands “Joe… he killed himself”

“Oh…” her face assumed a shocked look, she took a moment to process. She didn’t really know what to say. Was it better that way? “How’s Ellie?”

“She’s handling… I’m astonished by how strong she is.” he paused, thinking of how much he wanted to help Ellie “I think we should stay with them today. To help. They’ll need someone to keep an eye on Fred. They’re emotionally exhausted. Is it okay for you to stay here again?”

“Yeah, it’d be better for me to stay. Chlo could use a friend. So could Ellie.”

Meanwhile in the living room, Ellie was sitting, trying to overcome the nausea that was attempting to take control of her body. She closed her eyes, Beth and Chloe were staring at her, eagerly, but they had the sensibility to wait. She regretted not asking Alec to come with her, but now she wouldn’t give a step back. Thinking of Alec made her calmer, maybe it was about that anti panic thing he did with her, but in a moment hard like this one she didn't have the luxury to scold herself over thinking of him. Thinking of him with fondness to calm herself down. An image of a smiley Alec with dimples appeared on her mind, like when he helped Fred. She took a deep breath and spoke “Alec finally had some news on what happened to Joe. He…” she took a deep breath “killed himself on the sea. He didn’t leave us anything. He's gone.”

Beth has her eyes wide and her mouth opened. Chloe frowned into a face of pain and kept staring the void.

After a moment Ellie spoke again “I know this isn't an easy information to process,” she caught herself saying something that she had to make an effort, because she had trouble to believe in “it's still okay to be angry at him.” that was her limit of anything reasonable for the moment. She had to go back to Tom.

Mother and daughter were hugged, crying. The memories coming back for them. Danny on the beach. The investigation. The trial. The result of the trial. Now they had a conclusion to the story. Maybe it would be easier to move on. Maybe.

She had little tears rolling down her eyes on her own “I… I'm sorry” Ellie stood up “I need to be with Tom right now, he needs me. I just thought it was important for you to hear it from me and in person.” she walked to Beth and her daughter. She stroke her friend’s shoulder as a consolation and a goodbye.

Beth looked up “Yes… thank you. God… oh God, Ellie. How are you? How's Tom? I'm so sorry.”

“We’re pretty shit. But we'll get better. I won't let that bastard win on making everyone's life miserable.”

Beth nodded, lips pressed against each other. She didn't know what else to say. With that Ellie left.

When Ellie appeared on the room, Alec quickly turned to look at her, trying to see how she was.

In that moment, Beth appeared on the door and said “Hardy, can I talk to you?”

The man nodded, not without concern, and went towards her. They spoke in a low voice, no-one else could understand them.

“Is he really dead then?”

“Yes.” he said, shifting on his feet, uncomfortable

“Could you be there to look out for her? Daisy can stay here if you like. I think she'll actually help to cheer things up a little.”

“Yeah, she does that. Thank you.” he paused “I've spoken to Ellie. I'll stay tonight too.”

Beth exhaled loudly “Oh, that's good. Thanks. I wanted to be there for her but… I'm in no condition. She needs someone, though. Her father is not much of a help.”

“You'd be surprised. But yeah. I'll be there. Don't worry.”

Beth assented. Alec turned on his back. Ellie saw the conversation was over, so nodded towards the back door and he needed no more to get the message, nor did Beth or Daisy, who hugged the woman tight, but quick and said “Bye Ellie”. She had the same power as her father to condensate many feelings in a small and apparently meaningless sentence.

Ellie addressed a weak sad smile to Beth and left with her other friend.

They walked back home in silence. He knew he had to give her this space. When they got to the house Ellie went straight to Tom's bedroom. David had already made dinner and was putting Fred to bed, when Alec got upstairs.

He said to David “I can do that for you if you like. You look tired. You need your time to process too…”

David looked at him “I’d actually like that. Fred’s putting his pyjamas” he frowned think and opened his mouth to speak.

Alec waited because it looked like he was going to say something.

“You know… you've been very good to my daughter. Thank you for being here these days. I've seen how much you care for her.”

Alec didn't expect that, he was taken by surprise with this somewhat declaration coming from David. “Err, you're welcome.  I really do care for her.”

“You know that I don't, mind do you?” - Alec thought ‘what on earth is he on about?’ - with the silence from Alec he added “I mean, I don't understand why she hadn't said anything to me.”

“Excuse me?”

“I think you're good together, you match. I like you better than I liked Joe for her, really already at the beginning. You're more her type, I guess.”

To every David's sentence Alec’s eyes were wider. David's face assumed a confused look.

“I don't… I really don't understand why you're implying that we…”

“I wasn't implying. I was sort of saying. But aren't you? I mean…” he said this last word with incredibility “really?”

Alec nodded slowly in negative, eyes still wide. He was trying to process what he heard.

“Well, erm… I think you should give it a go then.” - Alec’s cheeks turned into crimson - “Anyway….” he balanced his head emphatically “You've got my blessing”

Alec was confused, thinking ‘What? His blessing? To… he thought they were a couple. What could have possible given him this impression? They were just good friends. But…”

Fred interrupted the flood of Alec’s thoughts by appearing on the door with a bossy voice “Gramps, what's taking you so long?”

“Oh, sorry Fred. Uncle Alec here is gonna take you to bed.”

He thanked the appearance and came out of his stupor, blinking “Yes, wee lad. It's me tonight.” he walked into the room with the kid. “Do ya want me to read a story?”

“Yes!” he said excited “That with the dragon”

“Again?”

“Yes, yes!”

Alec picked up the book and moved the chair to the side of his bed, he began to read him the story. Before he had finished, Fred was already asleep. Alec put the chair back in the place, picked his “pyjamas” and went to the bathroom to get changed.

It was busy. Ellie was in there… crying.

“Ellie? Are you okay?”

“I'm just leaving”

He heard the water going on, then off. The door opened. “How are you feeling?”

She gave him a look to state that it was was a stupid question. “I just… I don't want to feel alone. I'll… I'm gonna ask you something, but feel free to say no.” -Alec looked curious to her. - “Don't feel obligated to agree just because of the context and all…”

“Fine, I won't”

She was getting blushed “Would you… Would you sleep in my bed with me tonight? I need a presence there, holding my hand or something. Or just being there.” her cheek was crimson and feeling hot.

Alec frowned as if he didn't understand the question.

“I'm sorry, it was a stupid question, pretend I didn't say anything.” she made a move to leave to her room, but Alec blocked her way.

“Don't. It's okay, there's no problem, I'll do it. And it's not like we haven't done this before” he didn't really think about his answer. There was only one option available in his mind, really. Ellie needed him, he would be there.

She looked even more embarrassed when he agreed, but she didn't say anything else.

Ellie went to the bedroom, closed the door, put her pyjamas on and opened it again. Alec got in the room when she was sitting in the bed undoing her ponytail. He watched her hair fall over her shoulder, but looked away before she realised it.

She moved up on the bed and sat with her legs crossed, the back supported on the headboard. He imitated her.

“This whole thing with Joe…” she closed her eyes, took a deep breath and opened them again “I'm so confused. So… lost. I don't know what to feel.”

“You don't have the obligation to feel anything. What you feel is what you feel, don't be ashamed of it.”

“But I…” she started to cry. Alec got closer to her. Ellie leaned on him, head on his chest, getting even closer, making their legs touch. Alec got one arm around her, holding her shoulder “I feel guilty, because I feel a little of relief. He's not gonna sue for the kid's guard anymore, he won't be able to hurt them.” then she started to sob.

Ellie was starting to slide down, so she folded her legs and put them over his crossed legs, her torso thrown over him. She had her head placed over his sternum, somehow she found comfort there.

Alec placed his arms to hold her, one hand on her shoulder, the other on her waist.

He looked at her, she had hair all over her face with the shift. He tucked the locks of hair behind her ear. The top of her head was accessible, so he printed a kiss there, as to make her feel better, then he started to stroke her hair softly.  He began to alternate between stroking and e running his fingers through her hair, he paid attention to the curls he was touching.

Her sobbing wasn't pretty, she thought, but he was handling it with extreme gentleness. He… kissed the top of her… head…  Though… it did feel good. Felt good to feel that someone was taking care of her. God, how that man was sweet. That had woken something inside her that she couldn't really tell at the moment, but she wasn't in much of a condition to think about it; so, she decided that she would just be there, enjoy being there. Then, he started to stroke her hair.. His touch was soft, it made her limbs slowly melt in, relax; her body was tense from crying. She was finally easing down. In a while was all loosen up, and didn’t dare to move, like she was in a state of trance.

Once Alec realised Ellie was almost asleep he stopped caressing her hair, slowly removed his arm that was around her to turn off the lights, but she made something that reminded him of a kitten: she brushed her cheek on his - her - shirt, let out a low grunt of unpleasure and put her hand over his to protest. How could he resist to - no, no; damn. Turn off the lights, that was what he was going to do.  He looked at her, but couldn’t see her face. “I’m just gonna turn off the lights. Why don’t ya lie down?”

Ellie nodded yes with her head still on his chest, he felt her head moving, but waited for her to change her position, which she didn’t.

Alec gave a slight shake on her shoulder “Hey...”.

“Mmnh” it was a half protest for making her swift out of that comfortable position, half ‘okay, I’ll do it’ and she began her slow slide down, until she wasn’t over him anymore. She lied on her side. The lights were off and she felt the mattress bouncing a little when Alec got back to bed. He was close enough for her to notice the little deformations he made on the plain mattress when laid down, but not close enough for them to touch.

Ellie shifted to her back to see where he was and found him on his back, four inches away from her. Ellie looked for his hand and placed hers half over his hand, asking permission to hold it.

With Ellie turning on her back he thought she would want to talk, but she surprised him by touching his hand. That sudden move sent a chill through his arm. How come something so small had such big effect on him? This could be an awkward situation but he felt comfortable near her, he didn't mind the position he was in. Alec moved the palm of his hand up and held her hand.

So they rested, not even for five minutes, because Ellie shifted again to her side, without letting his hand go. He turned on his side too, so it would be more comfortable for their arms to keep holding hands.

Softly, Ellie drew her body closer to his and held his hand over her chest. In a not that deep corner of his mind he wanted to do that. Get closer, hug her, make her comfortable and feel well . He did get closer, but he was still debating with himself to whether close the distance distance or not. Their bodies were an inch away of touching. Now, no way he could keep shoving his feelings down anymore.

Ellie closed the distance between them, drawing herself even closer. She gave him a moment to change it, but as she received no negative reaction, she adjusted her body to his until they were properly spooning and hugging.

Alec was glad that she ended up deciding for him. He wouldn't do anything because he didn't know how she would feel about it. But he missed being this close to someone, he missed having someone who liked to be near him. Ellie drew her body closer to his, not away. That felt better than he could have imagined. Someone cared for him, after all.

She slept with his breath on her neck, which had a reassuring effect, as to state he was truly there, she was not alone.

He slept with her curls on his neck, her smell intoxicating him, remembering him he was alive; and not alone.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO SORRY it took me this long to post the chapter. I've been busy with all sorts of things and I wanted to offer the best I could get for this chapter and beautiful ship.  
> By the way, I promise I'll finish this story; even when I take more time to post I'm still writing, slowly, but I am.

The next morning was rainy. Ellie was in her bedroom and could hear the water rumbling on the window. Alec had already left, he gave her the day off, but he went to work after making sure that the Millers would be fine on their own.

She was sitting on her bed with the initial intention of picking the clothes Alec used to sleep and left on the bed folded, but she got carried away by the fresh memory of herself waking Alec up and pitying to disturb that sweet peaceful face when his alarm went on and he didn't notice. She turned around to call him; he still had his arm embracing her, her face close to his. She lightly shook his shoulder… she closed her eyes to concentrate on what she was doing, she had to pick the clothes he wore.

She got up with the top and the trousers on her hand. Would they smell like him? She allowed herself a quick sniffed. They did. It smelled like familiarity. But his scent was rather mixed with hers. She found interesting that neither of them overshadowed the other’s scent; they seemed to be a complement of each other.

Alright, Ellie you're emotional today with, well, everything, but don't do this. You're not thinking straight. Although she tried to hold these thoughts back, she only was able to put those clothes in the dirty laundry basket when she remembered that his scent would be still on the pillow. That thought faded away as quickly as it appeared, because she scolded herself for it.

Ellie went downstairs to check on Fred. They all stayed at home that day. She encountered in the lounge her son thanking his grandfather for the crayons and paper he gave him. The toddler ran to the table with the box making noise under his arm.

David turned to her “Ellie…”

She took a moment to pay attention on him, she was looking at wee Fred, as Alec says. “Uh?”

“Can I talk to you for a moment? I appreciate it's not the best moment but I couldn't lose the opportunity.” - the daughter looked at her father confused. She hadn't the faintest idea of what he was going to say. She stared at him, puzzled. - “Look, you’ve been through quite a lot these past few times, but Beth and Hardy, they've been here for you.”

‘What? Where is he going with this? Be neutral’ “They're good friends.”

David was exactly looking for a confirmation on that subject “So Hardy's just a friend?”

Ellie crossed her arms and said with evident irritation “Yes. Why are you asking me this?”

He knew she’d be like this, so he just kept going “Because have you seen yourself around him? I don't think you're paying attention to your feelings.”

“What?” she said frowning

“I think you like him” Ellie almost interrupted him, but he didn’t let her “and it’s quite alright. He’s a decent chap.”

She and Hardy? What? How could ever… well, there were definitely worst men to date than Alec, but still “I don’t know why on earth you’re saying that. And… I had the impression that you disliked him”

He put his hands on his trousers pockets “At first. But no, not anymore. He stands by your side, that’s very good. You also…”

She uncrossed her arms and interrupted him “No, no. Just… no. He’s my boss, dad. My fr…”

David interrupted back “Just think about it, will you, Ellie?” and left to upstairs.

Ellie stood there like someone had banged her head. She was confused, but flooded by thoughts: ‘Her father was giving dating advice? And that advice is to date Alec? But he did say so, then could her father had seen something on Alec’s behaviour that she missed?’ she wouldn't give her father the pleasure to see he had actually caught her attention, so she went to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea.

She put the kettle on ‘Something that indicated he was into her? I mean, yes, he treats me better than everyone else, but that doesn't mean much, does it? He said it himself, I'm his friend. But… there was also this… he held me last night, we slept close, hugging.’ her memories started to come back again 'He woke up with the sweetest look. I don't know, maybe that's how he looks when he's not feeling grumpy, although, I wanted to put a look like that on him every day, if possible; and, God, it was the best thing she could ever see when she woke up in the morning.’

The kettle whistled, what startled her and distracted her from her thoughts for a moment. She picked the tea bag and put it in the mug. 'What if her father was right? What if she really did… no, no. No way. But…’ she stopped in the middle of her kitchen ‘she had just admitted to herself she'd like to see Alec's face first thing when she woke up. Well, that doesn't have many other meanings. And… there was also the way she felt around him. The way she felt when he touched her.’ shivers went through her body just with the memories 'Then… Does that mean that I…’ the memory of Alec waking up, tightening his grip around her waist, opening his eyes then releasing he was there with her and then sliding his arm off her to rub his face; this memory came and put a smile on face. That could only mean that... ‘I guess… I guess I fancy him’. Wow. She actually kind of knew it already, but it felt different and good to finally admit it to herself.

 

***********

 

_One week and a half later._

 

In the end of another working day Ellie was turning off the computer, putting papers in the drawer, then stopped by at Alec’s office to leave. She entered the room when he was concentrated reading a file, he took a moment to register her presence, so she took advantage of that to observe him. She felt a flush of fondness when she saw the way he wrinkled his eyes while reading a file; that put a smile on her face.

Alec looked up to turn the page and there she was, at his door giving him the sweetest smile that made him feel warm inside. He wondered if she wasn't speaking to her boys before she got in, because only something very dear to her could put such an honest, radiant, beautiful smile on her face. She smiled a lot, but this was was a particular meaningful one.

For a moment, Ellie forgot what she was going to say, she just kept smiling at him. Then she remembered that she had a real reason to stop by. “Eerrm, right, so… I'm leaving now.” - he leaned back on his chair, letting the papers go - “I'll be at your house at 7:45, be ready. Oh, remember to buy them something and don't be too fancy. I'm taking chocolate, so choose something else.”

He raised his eyebrows “Right. See ya later then.” and twitched the corner of his mouth, it was the equivalent of a smile. Ellie left the room and Alec watched her go, focusing on her ponytail, swinging hypnotically. She has such beautiful hair.

Ellie stopped to buy Maggie and Jocelyn some chocolate. Although she said to Alec not to be posh, she bought something a little fancy. If Alec saw it he would be pissed at her, but she had actually said that to him because he doesn't know how to balance things, he'd probably appear with the suit for a ball and the most expensive wine on the store that he could buy. After the purchase she went home.

She checked on Tom's homework, then went to her bedroom to get changed.

Ellie had more or less an idea of what she wanted to wear, so it didn’t take long. She picked a white blouse of light fabric with three-quarter sleeve, tucked into a navy blue high waist skirt that went just down the mark of her knee and t-strap peep toe d'orsay platform heels that weren’t really tall, but she liked it that way. She put on light makeup with a discreet pink lipstick on and pulled her hair up to an elegant ponytail. When ready, she looked at the image on the mirror and felt very satisfied. She felt pretty. Would Alec think the same thing? Would he even notice?

To leave, she gave the boys a kiss and went to Hardy's house. She arrived a few minutes earlier and honked. No answer. Bloody hell, the waiting was making her nervous. 7:45 she honked again. No answer. She called. No answer. Now she would have to actually go to his door. It was funny, she felt a bit like a teenager, eager and nervous to see the person she liked. Since she realised so, she had been put a lot of reflection on what to do and decided only to make a move if she was sure he felt the same. Better a friendship than nothing, she tried to reassure herself. Ellie got out of the car, knocked on the door twice.

She heard Alec shouting “Comin’.”

A few seconds later he appeared on the door looking rather handsome. Although he wore suits everyday, this black one clearly wasn’t designated for work; which completed his look with a plain toe oxford. He had shaved the beard on his neck and looked even better like that. He had a tie on. She looked at his chest, the shirt fitted him well. “Oh” she let out when she realised that it highlighted his chest muscles. Trying to come back to herself she said “Hey” with a shy smile, not looking directly at his face. Bloody hell he looks so good in a suit.

Alec saw Ellie standing there through the glass door, dazzling him; he was speechless for a second. He had never seen her wearing dresses and skirts, but he had wondered before how would she look on those (yes, he did wonder, no point in denying that to himself), although, his imagination hadn’t been able to capture what he was seeing now. He remembered to open the door. Her hair was in a way he really liked: tied up in a ponytail. She was modestly showing some cleavage where he lingered a second more his look. He thought he heard her saying ‘hey’, so he answered back “Hey”. Focus Alec, focus. He looked at his hands. There was something missing… What was it? Oh, right! The presents. “Just a sec.” he dived back in.

Alec went in again and Ellie heard Daisy “Oh, is that Ellie?” she didn’t wait for an answer, saying louder “Hi, Ellie.”

Ellie stepped into his house, still by the door “Hi, Daisy!”. The girl was in the couch reading a book, which she closed and turned to greet the frequent visitor.

Alec appeared again, with a bottle of wine and a bouquet of flowers in his hand. She looked at him “Alec…” making an ‘I’m sorry’ face “lose the tie.”

Daisy said to her father with a smile “I told you so! This suit with the tie is too much”

He said to his daughter “Don’t look so smug.” he turned to Ellie “Why?”

“You’re not going to a ball… or a meeting. It’s just dinner.”

“But what about you, looking all…” he didn’t know what word to use and not be embarrassed. He couldn’t attempt to… anything really.

Ellie blushed, looking down. Then she turned her head to him with a questioning look. Fuck, she wanted to know what he would say, she didn’t ask because they were in front of Daisy.

The girl raised her eyebrows, gave them a smug smile and turned to her book again.

“Nevermind” he said, giving Ellie the flowers and the wine to take off his tie. Their fingers brushed while passing her the bottle; what left his whole hand tingling. He started to untie the knot of his tie. He found that, with their recent increased proximity, he wasn’t able to shut his feelings down for her anymore. He just couldn’t. Although he tried very hard not to think about it, Ellie herself didn’t help being all bloody... her; which wasn’t easy for him to handle like it was nothing. He walked towards the couch untying the knot, threw the tie over the coffee table, he bent down to give his daughter a goodbye kiss.

Daisy mouthed her father “Alec?”

He rolled his eyes, but not without blushing “Bye, darlin’. Don’t sleep late.” he walked back to the door

“Bye, dad. Bye, Ellie. Have a nice time.”

“Thanks”

“Bye, Daisy.” she smiled

He closed and locked the door. They shifted the things from her arm to his. Ellie brushed her hand in his, almost not on purpose. While he was picking the things up she said “So you bought flowers _and_ wine.”

They started to walk in synchrony towards the car.

He firmed his grip on the bottle “Yeah. Couldn’t choose”.

Ellie tried not to laugh, she muffled the sound, but he noticed it. His face changed, looking genuinely upset, but trying to hide. Oh God, he started to look at her with those puppy like sad eyes; she couldn't bear let him like that. “If you want you can ask me for help, you know. I don’t mind.”

Alec looked down and shoved his free hand on his pocket “Which one do I pick?”

“The wine. It’s more their style.”

“Thanks.” he looked to his hand where the bouquet was. What would he do with it?  He could give it to Ellie… he hoped she would take it as a nice gesture. What if she turned it down? He could always give it to Daisy, or just put in their house. Still, he decided to risk it. It took all the courage he had to do it. He stopped “Erm… these” he extended his arm to her with the bouquet in his hand “are for you.”

Ellie was stunned, she stopped too. Alec was giving her flowers. It barely mattered that he didn’t buy them at first for her. He chose to give them to her on that very moment. He could have just let it go. This is Alec we're talking about, any small gesture means something. She opened a cheeky smile, to play with him she said “You're not just giving me them because you have nowhere to put, right?”

He withdrew his hand, started to mildly shake. Why would she accept it anyway? He hadn't bought it thinking of her as the receiver of it. How stupid he was. He was waiting for her to kick him now “I… I’m sorry. I didn’t… I didn't buy them with the intention to give them to you, but I-I did-didn't mean to…”

When Alec withdrew his hand she thought ‘oh fuck, what did I do? He didn't understand what I did.’ he looked absolutely miserable, a kicked puppy. He was stuttering! She couldn't bear to see him so uncomfortable with her, so she interrupted what he was saying by closing her hand on his wrist and saying “I was only joking! I appreciate your gesture.” she let go her hand of his wrist “You didn't have to give them to me, you could give them to Daisy or someone else, but you did think of me when decided to who you should give it. So, thank you.” she waited a second to see what he would do.

As he just stood there, she stepped forward. She put the hand that was before holding his wrist around the bouquet, her pinky touching his finger. The other hand, she moved up, she almost cupped his head, but instead she left it on his shoulder. Ellie moved her head forward, stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips against the centre of his cheek. She didn’t want to pull back, so she lingered a little, feeling his whiskers. Couldn't he just hold her and pull her into a proper kiss? She would do it herself, start the kiss, but she couldn't find the courage on that very moment to more than that. And she needed to be absolutely sure that it was indeed what he wanted. With her lips touching his cheek, he let go of the flowers, leaving them on her hands. Then she backed down two steps, saying “I mean it”. She grinned at him, and to try to hide her nervousness, closed the small distance between her and the car, in which she got in.

He was so glad Ellie interrupted him, because he didn't know what to say and he breathed in relief to know she was joking. Although he still wasn’t sure of what she thought he at least didn't have to give shitty excuses. Then, what she said sounded truthful, but he still had his suspicions that she was just being nice. Until… until she kissed him. He let the flowers go sort of in shock. He couldn't feel much of her lips because of his damn beard, but he could tell they were soft and she… had she lingered? It felt like his limbs were about to melt. He wanted to hold her by the waist and kiss her on the lips, but he just couldn't move. And he didn't know if it was what she wanted, he just couldn't risk it. If he was wrong, she would kick him in the balls and never speak to him again. Ellie stepped back and turned to the car. He followed her on automatic mode. His cheek was warm and he couldn't stop thinking about how soft her lips were in his face.

Ellie put the bouquet on the backseat with extreme delicacy, Alec got in the car, she started it and they left to Jocelyn’s without saying a word. Short ride that it was, but full of thoughts and unanswered questions. They pulled over Maggie’s and Jocelyn’s house, each with their respective gifts on hand. They slowly walked the path to the door, they watched the view while moving and thoughts about the first time they have been there intruded on Ellie’s mind. She looked at him, considered to ask if he was remembering it too, but she was overwhelmed by the beautiful view of Broadchurch at night, the wind messing with Alec’s hair, the shadows made on his face by the lights of the house so then and there she decided this was going to be a happy night, no sad trips down the memory lane.

The gate was opened, they stopped by the door,  Alec rang the doorbell and turned his head to Ellie. She was looking at him sideways with sparkly eyes. When their looks crossed, Ellie smiled turning her head to him, he smiled back moving a lot more muscles than just a twitch in the corner of the mouth. Suddenly, Maggie appeared on the door. She caught a glimpse of the scene and both adults who were waiting slightly blushed, abruptly turning their heads front.

Maggie smiled broadly “Hello!” she turned to the interior of the house “Joss, they’re here.”

Ellie took the lead and Alec followed gladly. She stepped forward with a smile on her face “Hi, Maggie. How are you?” they hugged briefly “Oh, these are for you” she gave the box to her.

“Hi” Alec said with a smile Miller knew it was forced while delivering his wine. She could tell he was insecure of what to do.

“Please come in” the hostess said. They did. Jocelyn met them, they exchanged greetings. After a brief chat on Maggie’s vlog they went to the dining room. Maggie and Jocelyn sat side by side and on the other side of the table, Ellie and Alec sat side by side too. They were eating roasted chicken, drinking the wine Alec brought. In no time they were relaxed, talking a little about the case they had just closed, then receiving a legal opinion from Jocelyn of what could happen in terms of trial, which evolved the conversation to her latest case in London.

In the end of the meal, that subject died. Jocelyn looked at Maggie conspicuously, the other woman assented and the barrister spoke “You know,” she looked at Alec “we called you here today because we never had the opportunity to thank you for what you’ve done for us. And Ellie because she seemed a company you’d enjoy.” Ellie and Alec blushed. She looked down and he looked at Jocelyn with a confused look. She kept on also to fill Ellie in “Remember that day when you came to my house, we talked and you advised me to tell the person I was supposed to be with what I felt. Well… I put a lot of thought on that and followed what you said. And here we are.” Jocelyn smiled and looked with love to Maggie, which was reciprocated.

Ellie’s jaw gaped open. Alec did what? He actually advised someone about an actual human relationship? She looked at him; with the initial shock fading away a flush of fondness for Alec wildly struck her. Jocelyn and Maggie were together for at least three years… That must have happened during the Sandbrook case. That man had been through so much, seen so much and he still believed in love. In the apex of his pain he used it to make other people’s lives better.

Alec was restive on his chair. Ellie’s reaction, a wide look with a huge smile, was making him feel embarrassed. He started to sink in his chair, trying to disappear, as if somehow he would start to be part of the furniture and everybody, especially Ellie, would start to ignore his presence.

Jocelyn and Maggie were smiling at their reaction.

She remembered then that there were other people in the room with her, including Alec.

“You know what? I knew you were a bloody romantic!” -Alec’s face turned crimson and he sank in a little more - She lowered her voice and she wished he was the only one to hear it, but that wasn’t possible with all of them on the table “That was very nice of you.”

Maggie and Jocelyn were going to drop hint that they should be together now, with them in the same room, but they changed plans when they saw Alec’s reaction to the mention of romance alone, even if it wasn’t his. He probably would dig a hole on the ground if Ellie was in the same room that he was when they suggested, more of affirmed really, they fancied each other.

Maggie indicated the change of tactics tapping twice on Jocelyn’s leg. “Ellie,would you give me a hand in the kitchen to bring the dessert?” Ellie knew about Jocelyn’s eyesight problem, so Maggie knew she would understand nor ever refuse to help.

She said “Of course.” and got up with their plates on her hand, glancing at Alec.

In the kitchen, Maggie told her where to put the plates and didn’t waste anymore time. “Petal, I'm gonna be very direct with you. There's no point pretending you don't when it's obvious that you fancy him.”

Ellie would have let the plates fall “I… I… wh... how?”

“It won't help to keep denying this to yourself.”

She passed her hands on her skirt in an involuntary movement looking for pockets; as she didn't find them she crossed her arms. “I wasn't… denying. I do, you know. It's just… I've never said it out loud.” she blushed

“Oh! So It’ll be easier than I've expected.” - Ellie started to shift the weight from one foot to another - “Why don't you say anything?” Maggie got closer from her

“It's not that easy” she looked down “I don't wanna say it then scare him off my life for good.”

Maggie looked genuinely shocked “Why do you think that would happen?”

“You know why.” she feared even the suggestion that she would open her heart to him and he didn't feel the same back.

“Oh Petal, why would you even think that?” she came closer again, to put a hand on Ellie's shoulder “He's crazy for you! Can't you see that?” she took her hand off. Ellie was still looking down with her arms crossed.

Oh, shit. Maggie was giving her hope. She held herself not to cry “No!” she whimpered “How do you even know that?”

“I think he's pretty obvious for a while now. We only need to observe the pair of you for a quick while. He looks like he wants to touch you, but he can't. And believe me, I know that feeling pretty well.”

Ellie lightened up inside. Job well done, Maggie, hope delivered. She couldn't help to straighten up her posture.

“Are you sure?” her eyes were glowing “Maggie,” she said with a firmer voice “I need to be sure.”

“Ellie... I've seen in him a behaviour very alike Jocelyn’s. Don't make the same mistake I have. If you wait for an attitude from him you might wait for a long time.”

She looked at her hands then back to Maggie “You really think so? Cos.. I'm afraid to screw it all up. He's too important for me to lose him.” her hands were sweaty.

The elder woman smiled “I really do. I'd never say anything if I didn't strongly think he likes you too.”

While Maggie was cornering Ellie, Jocelyn was doing the same with Alec, although her approach was very different. When the two women left, Jocelyn inclined her body forward. “Hardy… I'm going to say something to you, please let me finish before you make a comment, alright?”

He nodded serious, straightening his body on the chair.

“You came here that day and you made me the favour to tell me something I needed to hear. Let me retribute to you this favour… don't miss the person you were supposed to be with. Tell her how you feel.”

“Is it that obvious?” he wanted to disappear on thin air, his cheeks were burning

“It's easier to see than neon.” she said like it was the most obvious things of all.

He raised his eyebrows in shock. He swore he was doing a good job hiding this. But that wasn't the problem, well, not exactly. Only Ellie couldn't find out or he would have no friend. “But I can't do this to her. What if she doesn't reciprocate and I say something? She told me she trusts me, I would be breaking that. She would feel uncomfortable around me. I can't do that.”

“I know she's been through a lot, but she's not made of porcelain. Besides, it really looks like she feels the same for you.”

He was shocked. It was a delight for him to imagine Ellie feeling the same for him, but he never allowed himself such thought. It would be unbearable to let him have hope, then let go of it.

When Jocelyn noticed he wouldn't say anything and the two women were coming back she reaffirmed “I really believe she does.”

In that moment, they entered the room with chocolate mousse and plates. Alec watched Ellie, she walked towards the table, she looked so beautiful in that outfit. Her cheeks were slightly blushed and she had sparkly eyes. He suddenly remembered what Jocelyn said about him being obvious and he focused on the mousse Maggie was putting on the table. Ellie distributed the plates, putting one in front of each person; to put his she did the natural movement of lowering her upper body, but he found himself in the situation of avoiding at all costs to look at her cleavage right in front of him. For his partial relief she didn't take long and sat down. All plates served, Ellie asked “So, Jocelyn, do you like living in London?”

There was a space between the question and the answer, she looked down and thought  to answer “I find it a very interesting city, but actually Maggie lived there longer than I have.”

“Oh, so, do you like it?”

“Yes, there is a part that pleases me very much: there are a lot of things to do, plays and movies to watch, concerts to go. And there's this: you get lost on the crowds, people on the streets don't know who you are. But it’s way too busy. I prefer small towns in the end.”

Ellie smiled to the answer. “And you Jocelyn,do you like it?”

“Not really. I always end up missing those cliffs.” she made a brief pause “I’m glad to be back at Broadchurch.” Jocelyn looked at Maggie

“Oh well, I'd miss them too.”

Maggie and Jocelyn exchanged some kind of silent agreement that Jocelyn could speak what was on her mind

“Although, it wasn’t the only thing I missed about Broadchurch.” she kept looking at her partner. Alec looked at the woman to show sympathy for her feelings. “I’ve only stayed in London for the big cases, the longest it has taken was 6 months.”

Jocelyn was surprisingly not shy about this subject as Ellie thought she could be, so she felt she could ask this next question “If you don't mind me asking… how did you two meet?”

Maggie held Jocelyn’s hand under the table and answered that one. “I came here to Broadchurch to work. One day, I was sitting on a bench, by the sea reading Great Expectations. Joss came with a book on her hand, she was very polite, asked if she could sit there too, I said yes, of course. In a moment she noticed we were reading the same book. As it happens, we were in the same chapter, on the beginning. We spent hours talking that day. As it happens we were both reading it again so we could watch the movie about to release.”

Maggie said “That was the favourite book for both of us already at that time, but we… the experience of reading again and have someone to share my thoughts with was very… gratifying and we became close. Soon we started to date and the movie was released. We went to London, stayed at my apartment to watch the movie. We had the time of our lives, really.”

They had finished eating by now, but they kept listening them, Jocelyn talked again “Maggie was working in London so as you can imagine, we tried to work things out with the distance.” her voice started to shake “One year like that, on my work after a visit from her at Broadchurch they found out about us. They started to make a fuss, my mother found out too, that was another fuss. It was so much harder at the time... our relationship wasn't that well either by then, so I...” she looked down “I'm sorry” she said lower to them and to Maggie as to apologise for what she done, grabbing her hand harder. “We kept on always as good friends when when she came to town, until you” she looked at Hardy “helped me to regain courage.” she paused “I'm sorry… I talked too much.”

Ellie hurried hurried to say “No, no. You don't have to apologise, not to us” she bumped her knee into Alec’s to make sure he was going to say something “It was very nice to listen.”

It worked, he said “It was” only to please her as he didn’t see the need for him to say something too.

Ellie said “Interesting how a book put you like that, isn't it?” it was indeed a lovely story; she was touched by it and by how much they seemed to love each other. Ellie and Alec exchanged a quick look. She wasn't sure of what it meant, but something sparkled between them then and there. She turned her face to the other side, blushing.

Maggie answered “Yes. Most everything related to it matters great deal to us. The movie soundtrack for example… it's divine. We listened to it together countless times.”

Alec agreed “It’s a lovely one… It’s been awhile since I last heard but I remember I liked it.”

“Oh, you like it too? I’ll show our favourite. Why don’t we go to the lounge?”

Maggie got up with her glass on her hand, the other three imitated her.

“We actually have it in vinyl.” Jocelyn said while separating it. She put her glass down to turn the music on. When the first notes of ‘Lady, your roof brings me down’ started to play Maggie came closer to her partner; they smiled at each other with the sweet feelings the song brought. In the firsts words Jocelyn put her hand over Maggie's shoulder. Maggie came closer, as about to kiss, but instead she hugged her in a very slow movement.

So they started to move in that same slow pace, dancing, but still hugged rather than in a formal position. Ellie, standing in a corner with Alec, looked at them and then to Alec. She wanted him to hold her like that, or just hold her at all, but that seemed a very intimate moment to the hosts and wouldn't feel right to intrude even more by joining them on the dancing. That moment did what she needed from it: it gave her hope in love and in reciprocity.

The wine in her glass was over and that was a good excuse for them to go somewhere else. She softly put an opened hand in Alec's arm to get his attention without fuss. “I'm picking more wine”

Alec was standing, very aware of Ellie next to him, her arm loosen along her, the warmth she emanated, a human being made all by goodwill. She spoke and put her hand easily on him. It wasn't a quick touch, she even squeezed his arm a little. That touch was so gentle and he wanted to believe it was affectionate too, although he was probably making this up to feel better about his own feelings. It was a treacherous adventure to think that she felt something for him. Sometimes, though, in these little moments, he couldn't help to quickly consider.

The moment passed, he followed her to have more wine. Ellie picked up the bottle that was on the table and poured the wine in both glasses. She lead the way to the porch. They opened the glass door and a breeze hit them. The bigger source of light was the moonlight, but the light from another rooms of the house was visible too.

Alec supported his arms on the grid to support his body as he bent it a little. Ellie stood close, one hand on the grid with an arm stretched, the other with the glass of wine. They spent a moment in silence enjoying each other's company and the view.

Finally, Ellie said “That's your house, isn't it?”  she knew it was, she was just making conversation.

“Yeah”

“Nice. How are you finding it?” she said cheerfully

“It’s spacious enough for both of us. And I like the view.”

Ellie couldn't help to laugh, he spent so much bloody time complaining about the town “So, you don't hate it that much anymore? The town.”

“Nah. Still can't stand the bloody seagulls and the air is too damp, but” his drunken mind gave him the guts to day that “some other things, one in particular” he looked at her “make all worth it” and gave a smile, a proper one, that showed his dimples. Of course this one thing was her, but this was as far as he could get by now without any encouragement from her.

Ellie wasn't sure if Alec flirted with her or not; anyway, it didn't seem very likely. All she could do was smile back at him. She pretended she didn't know what she thought he could mean. It was unlike her to let go such big opportunity to ask more about his life, but she froze. She was afraid of the answer. What if it wasn't her? What if he said something stupid like the cliffs or the bloody sky? What would she do with that then? What could she do with that kind of answer? The odds of being something shitty little thing were big; we're talking about Alec bloody Hardy. She hoped a big smile was encouraging enough.

Alec looked at her. She was smiling so sweetly. He wanted to say 'the one that makes it all better is you’ and kiss her, but he found out that his members were like gelly and didn't respond to his commands. What if Jocelyn was wrong? Why would she even like him? He didn't know what happened to Tess, but in the end she just pitied him. Ellie, on the other hand, was a ‘great catch’; intelligent and beautiful. And there he was, staring at that wonderful woman for whom he had fallen so hard. He wanted to do something.

The silence and the staring started to become embarrassing, Ellie was trying to think of something to say.

He finally managed to step closer to her, he was uniting courage to try something else, but she spoke and all his boldness went away, carried by the wind.

“Does that mean that you and Daisy, then, you gonna stay properly now?”  
He said slowly “I don't…” still stunned

Ellie dreaded the answer for his tone “Cos… listen” she wasn't sure if she wanted the answer for the question she asked “you…” 'you are loved here’, she wanted to say, but she said “you came back. And err… no denying that we got closer. And then, then if you leave again, you wouldn't… wouldn't just stop talking to me again, would you? Because, you're my friend and I… I wouldn't like to, to lose touch. Just, if you are, you know, moving again, just tell me. I’ve lost...” She was likely to go on forever if he hadn't intervened

Ellie started to babble some things about him going away. She went on, and on, talking with hesitance. He wanted to soothe her, he wasn't going anywhere. To stop her, he put a hand over hers. She did stop. Then he said “We're properly staying. I'm sorry if I stopped talking to you during that couple of years. I shouldn't have. All those things, they won't happen again.” He paused.

Ellie felt a chill when he put his hands over hers. They were warm. And then she felt relieved by his words. She turned her palm up and intertwined her fingers on his.

“Your hand’s cold”

“Your's hot.”

“You cold?”

“Nah, it's just my hand.”

He put his glass of wine on the floor and involved her hand in his hands; then started to rub them to pass some warmth.  
They stood there without saying a word. Ellie glued her shoulder to his using as pretense his movements.

Alec stared at their hands thinking about what Ellie said. When he left, he tried to make her the favour of getting rid of him, she finally wouldn't have to put up with him, not anymore, not when he was away. When everything got wrong in his life, back in Sandbrook, when he was lonely in a shitty apartment and a miserably boring job, he thought about calling her several times. One day, when it was all particularly unbearable he wrote her name in the search of the contact list to make a call. On the other, he wrote a text explaining what was happening to him, but then he erased to write ‘hi’. He slept staring at those two letters. When he woke up, he questioned himself on why would he bother a woman with two children who lived a tragedy to speak about his own wee problems; that made him give up for good.

But then he came back. Mainly, he came back for her. Deep down, she was his option of person to run to.

In that point, her hand was warmer, so he softly placed his hand over her other hand, in which she had her glass of wine. She took a sip and put it down to willingly give into his touch. It felt so natural, she was so comfortable. This moment made her settle on a decision: she would tell him how she felt. Not then and there, but she would.

By the time both her hands were more than warm and they were long passed any reasonable excuse to keep holding hands other than they wanted to, she remembered that the world still turned outside their little bubble, they were at Maggie's and Jocelyn’s house, not alone. She looked at him and thought of something to say. Gathering some willpower she slid her hands out of his, not without first squeezing them with a smile on her face. Then she said serious, like it was the greatest compliment “You look good at the moonlight. It smoothes your paleness, makes it much less visible.”

“Thanks?”

She laughed.

“Have you just said something sorta nice about me? Cos I think I wanna record it for posterity”

“Oh, shut up. I say nice things about you”

“Are you aware that fuckwit is not a compliment?”

“I do say nice things though!”

“Like…?”

“Why…”

His raised eyebrows shut her up

“Like you are the one to talk. You never…”

“I said you were pretty”

He did. She said without thinking much, it was already at the tip of her tongue “Fine. Okay. You… you look good in a suit.”

“That one came quick” then he really processed what she said and blushed

“But you do. It suits you.” she laughed low

“I think this is the best bad joke I've ever heard”

They were both laughing when the door opened; Ellie noticed it and gave a step to her side to create some distance between her and Alec, then turned around. Maggie and Jocelyn were coming in.

Jocelyn said “Beautiful, isn't it?”

This caught Alec a little by surprise, he was still looking at Ellie and turned to the sound of the voice.

“Yes, very. You've chosen well this place.” Ellie said with a partially fake contemplative voice staring at the view

Jocelyn answered still behind them “Well, I obviously bought it for the view, but also, I love the sound of the sea. I find it extremely relaxing.”

The couple slowly walked together towards the grid

“I do too, I wouldn't mind living near it.” Ellie didn't take her eyes off the view

Alec looked at them as if they had something offensive painted on their faces, he had to make his point “I don't see much of it, really.”

Ellie saw his look, but shrugged “I find it comforting”

Water would never be comforting to Alec

“I don't make that much of it either”

“Oh, come on. Really, Maggie? Not you too”

“Nah, it’s nice, but I don't make a big deal of it.”

He said to Maggie matter-of-factly “Watch out your words about beaches and Broadchurch near this one” he nodded in Ellie's direction “or her spirit might chase yours for a hundred years.”

She raised her eyebrows while smiling wanting to show disbelief “What makes you believe you’re safe?”

“I don't. I know I'm forever doomed. I couldn't get rid of you even if I wanted to”

She extended her arms holding the grid again “Though, you're the one who came back”

“I did, didn't I?”

“Yeah, now you'll have to put up with me. Lost your chance to scape.”

“That's the easiest job I've ever been given.”

“What?”

He said low, looking down “Better off with you near me.”

Jocelyn and Maggie couldn't hear what he said, but they could tell that Alec and Ellie were obviously flirting.

It took her a moment to answer, she looked down with her cheeks blushed “How much did you drink tonight?” then looked up to the sky and what she saw completely distracted her from what was going on before “Oh!” All faces turned to her “It looks like one hell of a storm’s coming.”

Everyone stared at the the enormous clouds

Jocelyn said “Wow! You're right.”

Maggie agreed “Oh, geez, I forgot about it, they said something in the news earlier today. I think you should get going so you arrive safe at home. I'm sorry, I don't want to kick you out, but I just heard it's going to be a huge one and I want you both safe”

“It's all right,” she put on a huge smile on her face “we know that.” She put a hand on Maggie's arm to reassure her.

The woman smiled sweetly “We'll see you out” she put a hand on Jocelyn's shoulder and they walked together to the front door. The hosts stood by the door to say goodbye.

“It was a pleasure to come here” Ellie said with a smile then hugged Jocelyn who stood beside her companion

She answered after the brief hug “It was a pleasure to have you here. You both are good company”

Alec shook hands with her, only saying “Bye” while Ellie hugged Maggie and said almost whispering “Thanks” then back to all of them “I should have you for dinner one day at my house. If he behaves he can come too” and nodded towards him.

By Ellie's surprise Jocelyn answered “That would be lovely.”

Alec offered his hand for Maggie to shake, which she accepted with a smile “Bye” he went through the door, walked a little and stopped to wait for her when he saw she wasn’t near him.

“Alright!” she answered cheerfully “Bye!” and got out of the house

“Bye” the hosts said and then watched them out for.

Alec was in front of Ellie. She couldn't help herself to check on him, god what a nice arse. He wore those pants so nicely. She wondered how she hadn't ever noticed his bottom, but to be honest, she sort of had seen it already, just was hiding from herself that she found it attractive (by looking everywhere but where she wanted).

She quickly got out of her daydreams and catched up with him, they started to walk.

Standing by the door Maggie said to Jocelyn out of earshot of Alec and Ellie, her voice had a tone of almost gossip “Did you see them?”

“They looked like they’re together. Although we know they’re not.”

“They behave just like a couple from some time, but more recently it’s becoming ridiculously obvious. They’re the only ones who can’t see that.” they say Ellie catching up with Alec so they closed the door.

They moved side by side in a slow pace, taking twice the time they could take. Their fingers occasionally brushed, but none of them had the slightest intention to change that. Sometimes Ellie lingered the touch trying to, maybe, hold his hand. The walk to the car was too quick for her.

Alec while waiting held an impulse to call her out 'Milleeeeerrr’ but the possibility of being slapped in front of Maggie and Jocelyn made him change his mind really quickly. Just when he was deciding on how to hurry her she moved. They now were walking so close and their hands eventually brushed each other. He was in fact deeply anxious, his palm was sweaty and he really hope she didn't realize it. What would she do if he held her hand? Would she hit him? Would she yell at him? He wanted to be brave enough to make her understand what and how much she meant to him. His drunken mind decided that the only thing he could say was “Thanks”

“Uh? What for?” she wasn't expecting Alec to talk. Ellie pressed the unlock button in the car key

“You know…” he went to the other side to get in - Ellie sat on her place - “helping me with not getting lost in the whole dinner situation. It's usually very disturbing,” - the doors were closed - “but today wasn't bad”

She started the car “Oh” she looked at him already driving, happily surprised, with a grin on her face “you're welcome! I don't think I did much, but I appreciate it”

“You did. I always knew what to do, I didn't feel lost. You're a great dinner guide.”

Ellie was sure now that he was drunk, although she didn't pay much attention to how much wine he drank, she just could tell. “Dinner guide?”

“Yeah. I'm no good at these things”

“No kidding!” she laughed at him but he ignored

“So is nice when someone helps.”

She put a tone of joke in her words “We should do this more often, then.”

“I mean it”

She smiled “Okay”

God, her damn smile could melt him inside. He already couldn't think straight, but that did the least to help as it only made him more distracted. Suddenly, a wish to make a confession grew inside him. He took a deep breath.

“Err..  can I tell you something? But I need you to promise you won't laugh.”

Ellie thought he was joking “I can't promise that”

He scuffed “Never…”

That was all she needed to know the he was serious, so she gone serious as well, her smile faded “Alright then, I promise.”

“I mean it.”

“Me too” she nodded her head solemnly

“Right.” He breathed deeply “I never liked these sort of events, as I've always been uncomfortable in them.”

“That's not a secret to anyone” she didn't find it funny. It was just… true. Alec glanced her in a way that convinced her that if she interfered like that again he would lose his courage.

He noticed she was taking him seriously and kept talking as she had never interrupted him “When I went out in dinners or something with Tess, she erm… sometimes she guided the conversation to make fun of me.” He started to stare the glove compartment “When she was in the mood, I guess, she picked my… miss conducts…?  on how to behave in social events and then she highlighted them, made it a topic of joke to everyone.” He waited for a laugh that never came; that made him let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. They parked in front of his house, he hadn’t finished just yet so he ignored it and kept talking “There was this once I asked her a stupid question, but I genuinely didn't know the answer, so I asked. She answered me all right, but in the end of the dinner she just let out what I had asked her. I felt terrible” he looked down. The seatbelt bothered him, so he unbuckled it.

Now they arrived Ellie turned her body to him, hands on her lap, looking at his face while he spoke. What he said... Fuck, that's why he looked so sad when she made fun of him bringing two presents. Tess is a bloody wanker; the woman treated him like a dog. This made her so mad, she was the wife of a wonderful man and all she did was to step on him. All she knew is that he didn’t deserve what Tess did to him. She could visualise him sitting in a chair wanting to be invisible while being the topic of jokes and that made her furious with Alec's ex wife “Wow! I can’t believe her!” Ellie wanted to show Alec he was loveworthy, she could feel that he believed he wasn’t; and Tess did that to him.

“Yeah” he looked down “That’s why I thanked you. Thanks for helping me out without on not looking more of an idiot than I already am”

“We’re not like that.” She paused “I mean, I'd never humiliate you like that, that's so low, cruel. And… you’re not an idiot.” she opened a smile “You’re a fuckwit;” she said it trying to make it sound like a huge compliment “a nice one”. She rubbed her hand on his arm to reassure him.

He was opening his mouth to say that fuckwit wasn’t a compliment, but he remembered their talk earlier, so understood what she did; she said it so sweetly, she meant it as compliment. There was no stopping a smile, a real, propper smile, forming on his face.

Ellie was enchanted by his smile, it was so beautiful the way he lit up and she was so glad she was the one who made him smile like that.  Would this be the moment for her? What if she kissed him now? She was so nervous. What if he just ran off? Her heart was beating so fast she could almost listen it’s echo on her head.

Everything became slow motion for them.

She stopped her hand on his upper arm. Now it stopped to have that reassuring effect, it became the beginning of a prelude. Will he understand that this movement is something else? Right, he didn’t backed away from her, that’s good. Slowly, she slid her hand to his shoulder, with the intention of getting to his neck.

When Ellie stopped her hand on his upper arm his heart started to race. When she slid her hand to his shoulder smeed to him that he had butterflies on his stomach trying to get out, making loops and moving to all sorts of directions; his palms were sweaty. It felt so much as she was going to kiss him, that he unconsciously inclined his head forward. ‘Should I close my eyes now?’ Her hand was reaching the beginning of his neck. ‘Yeah, I pro-’

A deafening noise startled them. A thunder. Ellie took her hand off him and looked away, embarrassed. Fuck. This was so frustrating.

Their cheeks were both crimson and they looked everywhere but to each other.

Ellie didn't know what to do, suddenly the wheel became the most interesting thing in the car.

The threat of Ellie getting caught on that huge storm sent away every other thought he had in mind. The lightning was too close from them, she had to get home so she would be safe. Storms in Broadchurch can be really bad and he didn't want her exposed to that; he also knew she would never want to get through it away from her kids so he didn’t even suggest her getting into his house and if she didn’t want to do that, she would have to leave now. He took a deep breath. If it wasn't this subject to talk about, saying anything else would hurt him out of embarrassment “You should get going. The storm is about to start, I think it’ll be ugly.”

“Uh, yeah, I should.” she blinked slowly, but didn’t move.

Alec wanted to prove himself he wasn’t a complete coward. She was about to kiss him, right? Was she? What if he understood that just because it was what he wanted, but wasn't what she was going to do? For fucks sake, you're a detective. You can't figure if a woman is going to kiss you? Just this once he chose to trust his instincts on personal affairs. “You should” So he didn’t feel like an utter failure he gave her a quick kiss with a very well calculated placing that touched a little corner of her mouth. “Good night” he opened the door and left.

Everything happened so quickly that Ellie just sat there for a second staring back at the wheel. She felt a mixture of frustration and happiness. They didn’t kiss, that frustrated her. But Alec had kissed the corner of her mouth and that made her so happy. She was bursting with happiness and it was caused by not even a proper kiss. Drops of water on her windscreen reinforced what Alec said and reminded her that she had to go. She looked to his house and she could see him, through the glass door, standing. Then her look moved to the bouquet on her backseat. Now, if all that wasn’t a proof of Alec’s somewhat of affection, she didn’t know what was. She exhaled loudly. Ellie started the car and left, longing for the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry about the end haha  
> I hope you're all enjoying.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here's the deal... I've been pretty busy this year, it's been crazy. I spent too much time without posting, but I'm back! This is the first part of what should be chapter 7, but I'll break it down in two so I don't spend a whole year without updating this fic. Hope you guys like it.

Ellie was woken up by her alarm. Moving to reach her phone, she rubbed her eyes. Fred was there, she remembered; he had crawled into her bed during the night because he was afraid of the storm. She finally managed to turn the alarm off. This morning she was feeling good. Happier than she had been for a while. She smiled at the sleeping toddler. She had two beautiful boys, they were fine and she even had a crush on someone. The interactions with Alec from last night were replayed on her head. It looked like it was a reciprocate feeling; this thought made her smile even more. Her life seems to be getting back on track.

She got up and changed her clothes before doing anything else, she wouldn’t have the time later on.

She caressed Fred's hair “Good morning, sleepy boy. It's time to wake up.” he groaned in response.

“Freddie, it's time” he grabbed her hand that was before on his hair to hold it next to his heart and get cozy again.

Ellie thought she could explode out of love for this tiny creature. “Come on love, it's time to wake up and get ready.”

He slowly let go of her hand and rubbed his eyes. Ellie caressed his curls once more.

“Good morning darling”

“Morning mummy” he opened his arms to a hug

She hugged her son happily and used that moment to also pick him up “C’mon, we need to get you changed” she kissed his curls.

Carrying Fred, Ellie woke up Tom “Morning, love. Time to wake up. Don't oversleep.”

She received a growl as an answer which was good enough. With Fred playing with her hair she went downstairs to prepare breakfast. An oatmeal for Fred and Tom, she would only have a coffee and scrambled eggs, she got used to eating toasts at work. Suddenly, her cell phone buzzed. Oh God, a text from Alec. She took a deep breath and decided to only worry about anything after she knew what was that about.

After around 5 minutes staring at his phone and wiping the message so he could rewrite it, Alec decided that he was going to act like nothing had happened the other night, it wasn’t something he would discuss on the phone anyway.

**A: Need to go to Daisy’s school this morning, so I'll get late. Could you cover for me? I’ll be owing you one**

Ellie was a bit disappointed with the subject, but also relieved, because she wouldn't like to discuss what happened yesterday by texting. She answered, for an instant forgetting to make the food, while holding Fred, who kept playing with her curls although more vividly.

**E: No problem**

**But late Hardy late or late late, other people's late?**

**A: Late late**

**E: When do you need me to be there?**

**A: In the expedient time, just need you to take over whatever comes in for me till I arrive**

**E: Sure**

Ellie put the mobile down on the counter to sit Fred in his high chair.

“Mummy, no! Your hair is nice”

“Thank you, dear, but mummy needs to make breakfast. Would you like your Bob the farmer book?”

The boy nodded extending his hands to receive the said object. He loved that book so much, he would spend ages looking at each picture.

The phone buzzed on the counter. And again. And again. And again. She picked it up and read the messages.

**A: Thanks.**

**Sorry**

**Forgot to tell you that yesterday night.**

**Daisy told me when I got home after Jocelyn's**

Oh my god, he was still typing

**E: Stop typing for a second**

She got the ingredients while staring at her phone. He stopped typing.

It was bad enough he had to text her after what happened (he wasn’t ready to put things in words for her just yet), and now, to add up, she might be pissed at him for some reason he hadn’t just figured, so he did stop.

**E: You owe me nothing**

His grip on his phone relaxed along with his shoulders. Oh, ok, she was still typing.

**Or did you hit your head to suddenly forget that you can count on me?**

She briefly mixed the ingredients in a bowl to put it in the microwave.

**A: Now who’s the typer?**

**E: For fuck’s sake**

**A: Thanks**

**Really**

**And you can count on me too**

**E: I know, I have already. You’ve been there when I needed**

**A: Not always**

**But I’ll be from now on**

**E: Shut up**

**You know you have**

**A: But I really haven't**

Why was he insisting on that?! He’s been marvelous to her this past weeks

**E: Will I need to break your fingers so you stop typing nonsense?**

**You have**

**Everything’s fine**

Satisfied with her answer, she took the oatmeal out to mix and put back in the microwave

**A: You'd need to come here to do that, but then I wouldn’t need to type, I just could say it directly to you**

**E: Then you'd be a smartarse with broken fingers**

Both Alec and Ellie were smiling at their cell phones. Bickering was so comfortable

God dammit, woman, Alec thought, I can't even not smile anymore.

**A: You wouldn’t dare**

**E: Try me**

Alec typed: If that makes you come here I wouldn’t mind; but he quickly erased as if the message hurt his eyes, instead he sent

**A: I already am**

**E: Somebody’s trying to lose their substitution**

They were joking, but Alec knew what she was capable of

**A: No, ma'am**

**E: I don’t know about that**

**An ice cream might be required**

The microwave beeped. Ellie separated each boy's portion, cooling Fred's by then mixing it more.

**A: I'll get it on my way**

**E: No, you idiot.**

**A: ?**

**E: Let me finish**

**Where's the fun on having ice cream by myself at the station?**

Alec was staring at the device on his hands blankly, his cheeks felt very hot. She wants his company?

The doorbell in Ellie's house rang.

“Freddie, I'll be right back” she told her son.

She was expecting Beth, she went to answer the door and she was right, her friend was on the other side. She read the following message while unlocking the door.

A: **Alright then**

Ellie smiled at her mobile because she was sure he rolled his eyes while typing that last message. She opened the door to welcome her friend while pocketing her phone.

“Hi, El!”

“Beth! Hi!” She finally properly looked at her friend “Th…”

“He's just sent you a text, didn't he?”

“Uuh” she gave in, nodding. Ellie thought about denying, but there was no point in that. Beth knew her. Since Ellie had finally opened up to her friend about her feelings for Alec, the woman had been nothing but supportive and encouraging. She couldn't help to be relieved. Talking to Beth about her insecurities about her feelings had made her calmer to go through yesterday's dinner.

“Oh El!” she gave her friend a hug in excitement then they both got in “How was it then? Yesterday?”

Ellie puffed and looked into to the kitchen. Tom was upstairs, so she answered “I tried. I mean… I think… I'm not sure, I think he likes me” the last part was said with a mixture of excitement and dread. She lead the way to the kitchen, asking for Fred's book giving him in return his food and the occupied herself with her scrambled eggs while Beth stood next to her.

Fred was eating in his high chair actually much like a big boy (he was still a three-year old, there was a bit of a mess, but nothing extraordinary).

The woman looked disappointed “You didn't…” she mouthed the word kiss “then?” these kind of words could catch the attention of a child his age. He would go to no interest to a hundred percent paying attention in seconds.

“No. We er… we were kinda there, but… this will make you laugh… a thunder interrupted us.”

“A _thunder_?” she answered putting a hand on her mouth to muffle laughter

“Yes” Ellie looked down “but at least when we said our goodbyes he kinda, you know, in the corner of my mouth” she couldn't contain her excitement, her voice went a bit high. Ellie realised she was happier about that than she would've thought she was.

“Oooh! But did he or didn't he?”

“He did!” she said smiling

“Not a complete defeat then”

“No” she said cheekly

“Aaand… you'll see him today, won't ya?”

“Yeah” she wasn't that excited anymore

“So…?”

“We'll have ice cream”

“What?”

“Long story”

“But that's nice, eh? It'll be good for you”

“If I don't have a heart attack out of nervousness today, yes.” She heard Tom's footsteps going down the stairs “Enough of gossiping now. Thank you so much for taking care of Fred today”

“You know it's my pleasure” Tom got in the room “Oh, hi Tom.”

“Hi Beth”

“G’morning mum”

“Morning, darling” Alec's accent echoed in her head. He always calls Daisy darling, now she hardly can disassociate the word.“Your oatmeal’s ready, love”

He groaned a thank you

“Fred, love” the boy seemed to get out of trance “do you remember mummy told you that you were spending the day with aunt Beth and Lizzie today?”

“Lizzie? Lizzie! Yaaay!”

\--------------------------------

After the meeting at Daisy's school Alec went to CID. He didn't know if he was glad he had a reason to talk to Ellie or if he was nervous. Of course he was nervous. The mere thought of last night made his hands sweat. What if she confronted him about his goodbye kiss? By now he wasn't sure if she really was gonna kiss him last night, he was not going to trust his drunken judgement, so already with the text he tried to act it cool.

He entered the building and made his way to Miller's desk. He stopped and stood in front of her desk.

She looked up at him when he stopped and immediately opened a smile

“Good morning” he smiled too, a little bit

“Good morning, sunshine” she provoked him as he blushed “How was it?”

“Er, fine”

“So, what they wanted to talk to you?”

“It was about how Daisy's doing, the punishment to the boys and to see what else they can do.”

“Oh, okay. And how is she doing?”

“Much better. Chloe's been a good friend to her. They’re spending a lot of time together,  they’ll go out and have lunch with other friends actually” he made a long pause

Ellie thought he had ended speaking so she said “That’s nice!” to fill in the gap

Awkwardly Alec added “Listen, ab…”  he thought asking her about last but he quickly changed his mind “erm” he cleared his throat “Do ya wanna a cuppa?” and rubbed the back of his head

“Sure!” she tried not to sound too excited

Ellie stood up and they made their way to the common room. Ellie occupied herself with the tea and she realised Alec was making toasts for both of them, he was even putting the butter, somehow he knew how she liked it. When ready Alec extended his arm to her while sipping his tea, it became routine for him making four toasts.

She accepted the plate “Thanks” she bopped her shoulder on his and stayed close to him. They were next to each other supporting their bodies on the counter, so absorbed in the interaction with each other that they paid no attention to the fact they were in the common room and everybody could get in there.

“You don't have to indulge me because of the substitution, you know” she told him joking

“Oh, don't I?” He said sarcastically

“No” she told him matter of factly tipping her head towards him

“For the record this is not me indulging” At first he wanted only to tease her as they normally do, but he realized there was something else for both of them, that thought pushed him forward.

“Isn't it?”

“No. Just so you know.” there was a tiny curling on the corner of his mouth

“Huh”

“Well, you'll be able to tell” he raised a brow

She leaned into him with the cheekiest smile possible “Will I?”

Although Alec’s heart was now beating faster he was feeling particularly bold this moment. He inclined his head towards her, getting even closer “I’ll make sure you do” Now they were facing one another with their heads apart from only a few inches.

That only lasted a second because Bob got in the room making noise as opening the door. Ellie and Alec had a moment of astonishment. Ellie saw the salt next to him and decided she was going for it as a way to justify her movements. She got in front of Alec, vigorously grabbing the salt bumping hard her shoulder into his chest. She murmured “Sorry” and salted her toasts as if it was the only thing that mattered.

Her brusque movements caught Bob's attention, who stared blankly at them for a second, but he'd only seen her grabbing the salt. It was a bit weird, so Bob raised an eyebrow at them then kept walking so he could make his tea.

When her colleague turned away Ellie bit her salty toast. The amount of salt she had put in made her cough and grimace; she had a big sip of her tea to ease it up.

Alec was looking at her completely lost, he didn't follow what happened “You ok?”

She swallowed her tea to answer on a not very convincing way with yet some traces of the salt on her tongue “Yeah.” she scrunched her nose in a way that Alec thought it was cute “So…the only thing that happened today while you were away was that Han called us about his agricultural machine. Same old complain,” she poorly tried to imitate the man’s voice “someone’s been sabotaging my machine, Ellie, I swear” her voice was normal again “I sent an uniform but you already know what happened. Anyways… I gotta fill in the form”

“Quiet day apparently”

“Seems about right”

They finished eating in silence. Ellie got a shy glimpse of Alec looking at her, she gave him a soft smile and he blushed with no courage to hold her gaze.

After that the rest of the morning had been quiet. In numerous occasions Alec stood up to go talk to Ellie, but he changed his mind, thinking she could find him overwhelming. Ellie kept looking at his office, thinking about excuses to talk to him, but they were so poor that she was sure he would think she was desperate for attention. Finally, about mid day, she thought she should ask him if he could have lunch with her. She repeated in her head: Fred's with Beth because they're deifying his preschool, Tom is going to stay at a friend's house (thank God he has new friends), so she is not going home to eat. Besides she and Alec are used to having lunch together so it is not a big deal. No. It's only lunch. Only spending time in public with the person she attempted and failed to kiss not once, but twice. And as far as she is concerned he doesn't even seem aware of her attempts. What a frustrating man. She exhaled. Ellie decided it was worth calling him, if only to enjoy his company so she went to his office as casually as she could.

Alec was sitting in his office with not much to do and whatever else he had he couldn't do it properly because he kept thinking about how he could get closer to M-Ellie. Maybe he could use the ice cream thing at his favour… but how? Good lord, he sucked at it. Why was he even thinking that he could have a relationsh... As if she was reading his mind, the door was opened by her. Any doubts on his feelings were carried away  from his mind. Regardless of it all, what he wanted was to be in her company even though he might not know exactly what to do.

“Hey. Erm, Alec,” Ellie said his name, his first name, in a soft and caring way, which made him feel warmer inside “I was err, heading lunch, but there's nobody home so I'm going out. If you're not busy or… would you like to grab a bite somewhere?”

“Yeah, sure. Sure! Sounds like a good idea”

Ellie exhaled “I was thinking that, for a change, we could go to that new chinese place, I've even heard they have salads”

“Salad is not all I eat”

“The hell is not”

“Don’t pretend you're stupid, we both know that's the last thing you are; you've seen me eat even pizza”

“Do we?”

“Absolutely” Was this this really what she chose to stick to?

None of them really knew what to say next so an awkward silence hanged in the air for a moment, then Ellie broke it saying “Alright, let's go”

They arrived to the restaurant after a ten minute walk; choosing then a quiet table with significantly fewer people around, sitting in front of each other. When ordering Alec makes a point to himself in not asking any salad, although is actually particularly hard for him.

She sees him staring way too long at the menu “You can't decide on what? For what it looks like these dishes are good for two. Do you wanna share?”

Is his suffering that obvious? He actually wanted to get a salad, but he wouldn't just to prove his point so he was struggling with other options. “This porc thing looks interesting”

“You're sure? I thought yakisoba with vegetables was more your thing”

He rolled his eyes and gave in “It is”

“Let’s order it then”

“You’re gonna eat a dish made only by vegetables?”

“There’s pasta too” He raised his eyebrows to her showing he wasn’t buying it “We could add… chicken?” she added with a pleading look

“Sounds like a good deal”

Ellie couldn’t hide a happy smile and then nodded; she called the waiter and ordered. Now they couldn’t hide behind their menus.

“You know what I’ve noticed?” he realised that when they were at Jocelyn’s, but he didn’t mention that with fear of connecting the idea to them as a couple “Apart from these practical things like food and all, we don’t really know much about each other’s tastes. I don’t know what you like to listen to, but I have a clue you might like queen because you gave me a top of them to be my pyjamas.”

She thought to herself that he didn’t know anything like this about her because he didn’t give her the space “You don’t know what music I like because you didn’t let the radio on when we were in the car” she said making fun of him

That made him look down and ruffle the hair on back of his neck “Yeah, sorry about that”

“Water under the bridge” she said while putting a hand on the table, almost reaching his “So… what kind of music Alec Hardy listens to?”

It was clear to her that he hadn’t been asked that kind of question in a long time. Even though he was the one who had brought up the subject, his eyes shone with her question, it meant that someone wanted to know him better, someone cared enough. “The who is one listen to quite a lot. And also Queen. Stones I guess. I haven't been listening to music often enough that's for sure.”

“Oh, don't you have a good taste!” She was enjoying herself immensely “I’m actually not that big fan of the Who, I like Rolling Stones, but I do love Queen.”

“You even have a top of it”

“I do. And you've remembered it”

“I have! Why wouldn't I? I've worn it!”

Remembering this suddenly showed them how close they had actually become and they have been ignoring that.

“Then, uh, what else do you like?”

“I actually love Paul McCartney. The Beatles also.”

“Such a cliche”

“Oi, fuck off. It's a classic, that's what it is” he rolled his eyes at her, so she kept talking “You know it is. Do you have a favourite song?”

“Not really. Depends on my mood”

“So, what are you in the mood for, then”

“Lemme see… Road.”

“Road as in New, Road?” Alec raised his brow “You shit, you know Paul McCartney’s songs.”

“I never said I didn’t like him”

She made a face, smacking his arm. He ignored her as the waiter brought their food.

“Road’s pretty nice. I like it.” he said while serving food on his plate. He was getting all the vegetables. Ellie served herself after him and got most of the chicken

“Why?” she said before putting yakissoba in her mouth

“What do you mean with why?”

“Why?”

“Why?!”

She rolled her eyes at him “Why that’s appealing for you”

“I like the lyrics I guess”

“It’s a bit sad though”

“I don’t think so, not really. It might have some sadness, but ultimately it’s about two people who found companionship and now are overcoming a storm together, rather than all by themselves.”  he smiled softly and looked down.

Ellie had a caring look on her face, she knew what the song was about, but she also knew he had a hard time dealing with people. He was very anxious over how he spoke to other people, so she knew what he said about the song could be seen as something else. These ‘tiny’ things were never that tiny with him. That’s why she wanted to hold his hand, but his body language was closed, although he had a kind of glow, especially his eyes. It was too much exposure, she thought; he is Alec after all. She respected that, just kept looking at him with fondness.

What he said… Oh boy, he didn’t have the guts to say it in any other way. Not now, anyway. He was still opening up, but this, being honest and showing emotions, was never easy for him. And risking in relationships… no, he was too afraid to lose them. If anything were to be the matter, he could just say it was the song, it was after all, and he just liked it, simple as that.

“I guess you’re right. Not going through the storm alone is already good.”

After that comment they ate the rest of their meal still talking about music, having a lighter conversation. When they were paying and heading to buy ice cream the subject had returned to Queen and somehow, while walking to the ice cream tent they agreed on watching Bohemian Rhapsody together on the cinema, although still not having set a particular date to go.

 

 

(Truely) to be continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As this is the first bit of the chapter I didn't get where I actually planned (the freaking kiss) but it's coming, I swear, I hope I don't let you all down with it. Something else, I intend to write some more, deepning their relationship, so it's at least two more chapters.
> 
> Look for the lyrics of Road from Paul McCartney ;) (no, not 'Long and Wining Road')

**Author's Note:**

> P.s.: A thanks to samothrace for her help and support to write it <3


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